Battling Negativity! It never takes a vacation!

It's amazing how the negative voices just rise up so easily even in the midst of beauty, love and happiness!

This morning I focused my prayer on defeating these voices! Here I am, having a great time and, of course, eating out at various wonderful Bay Area restaurants.

So today I feel like I've gained back the entire amount of weight I've worked so hard to lose! Now, I know it isn't true...but I hear the voices saying "see - here you are again in the same never-ending hunger - you'll never win this game!" ...those voices just wait for the opportunity to knock me down!

But no! I chanted to value my precious life...and to overcome those feelings of defeat...and I'm buying healthy food to get back on track right now!

It's beautiful, a little chilly here...amidst wonderful friends...all is well!

Tiburon and Marin

I am writing this post from Amy and Ian's gorgeous Apple computer. I can't wait until I have an Apple myself...then an ipad (maybe) and an iphone (when Sprint allows). Great stuff!
Yesterday we spent the morning in San Anselmo and the afternoon in Tiburon. Tiburon has always been one of my favorite places to see the Bay Area from the water. We hung out at Sam's (where else?) and managed to keep the huge seagulls from stealing our food. We were all generations, young to older. What a blast. They say I brought the sunshine when I came! I say, "Oh Mannnn...I deserve this!"
Chanting away...and today meeting with my first Chapter leader in the SGI. She and I grew so much together as Buddhists. I watched her go from a nurse to the CEO of the largest hospital in the Bay Area...and she saw me start my family and grow as a person. I love reunions! I love my life!

Amy and Ian's

Here I am in San Anselmo California at my wonderful friend's house. It's so beautiful here amid the trees in Marin County...one of the most unique places on earth...
Hot Tubs...Chardonnay...life is good!!!!!

Soquel~Capitola~Santa Cruz

It is incredibly beautiful here on the coast of California...what a wonderful trip I'm having. Just picture the bright blue ocean...full sun...good friends...huge crashing waves...adorable beach towns...spectacular resorts...I know...it's amazing!
And the people in this part of the world are so friendly...maybe they are all from the Midwest :>
I'm chanting to open my life in so many ways...and to enjoy each moment...each and every moment.
What's not to like? We watched the sunset from he Santa Cruz pier...eating fresh crab and taking pictures of the sunset.
I've been giving people cards that say Nam Myoho Renge Kyo on them...with the website address on them. Everyone is so receptive. When I lived in the Bay Area I gave out these cards all the time. At the time my name was in the masthead of the Bay Guardian Newspaper. I would get calls from people all the time asking "Are you the Jamie Silver who told m about Nam Myoho Renge Kyo?" and I'd answer yes...and they'd tell me how their lives had changed in so many ways since starting to chant!!!
Aaaaaahhhh, that is the best!

Returning to my Buddhist Roots Here

It was so exciting waking up today because my first stop was the San Francisco SGI Culture Center.I feel like I was born there! When I first began chanting in 1985 the Culture Center was in Daly City on the "Edge of the World"...literally on a cliff overlooking the Pacific. I would ride there on my little Riva 180 scooter with my big helmet thinking "because this is so hard and dangerous to get to~ I am REALLY changing my karma!" and I was!
I chanted so hard to have a culture center in the City...closer...central. I chanted SOOOOO hard that when we finally got our beautiful culture center it was a block from the Bay Guardian Newspaper where I worked. I opened that center as a Youth Division Byakuran...like an usher with an element of faith added in. We would help members with seating and other things and chant for the success of every meeting...for all the members to get benefit...
Returning to chant today was so wonderful! So many memories...here is where Juana stopped and asked me how I was doing...and I felt how deeply she cared about me...here is where I chanted for Daisaku Ikeda...and he came to San Francisco...here is where I chanted every day at lunch for an hour with wonderful Japanese friends.
Today, I chanted to blow my world wide open with possibilty for my one precious life. Here I am in one of the most creative cities in the world. What will I create next in this precious, precious life...how big can I dream? As one of my Buddhist mentors says: "You're a Buddhist...DREAM BIG!"

First Night in San Francisco

It was a beautiful, bright evening for my first night back in the Bay Area. I got to my friend Eddie's close to 7:30. How myoho was it that he just moved into this gorgeous place with a deck almost twice the size of the apartment overlooking the castro all the way to the East Bay....
Eddie and I have been friends since we both traveled to Russia and Poland singing in a choir when we were teenagers. He and I are always on the same wavelength...he is actually part of my "family". He lived with us for six months when Aaron and Ben were little and is Uncle Eddie to them. He recently graduated from a cool course getting his Masters in Spiritual Psychology at the Santa Monica College. He and I talked late into the night and laughed and laughed...Eddie's current goal is to have the company he is with go public in a few years. yes!

Totally Magical!!!

I am writing this from the most adorable little loft in Soquel California just outside of Santa Cruz! I bought a new little tiny computer just so I could write blogs while I'm here!
Landing in SF was an emotional experience...I was flooded with thoughts of how happy I always was to return to the Bay Area when I lived here from 1983-1998...the green hills (in March of course...later they will turn brown)...the ocean...the mountains...the lights twinkling on all the hills.
I had a great flight with a wonderful seat companion. He was my son's age. We talked about all kinds of things...his coool Apple computer and iphone...and the fascinating work his parents do. I started to realize that this trip is going to open me up to possibilities I haven't dreamed of. Here I am...returning to my Buddhist roots in creative San Francisco. What will I dream of for my one precious life. Everything is open to me now. I begin again! I soar!

Chanting and Crying

Last night I dreamed I was watching my Mom cook and hearing the words to "For Baby" by John Denver...and I was crying in my dream. "And the wind will whisper your name to me, little birds will sing along in time...and leaves will bow down when YOU walk by...and morning bells will shine. I'll be there when you're feeling down to kiss away the tears if you cry..I'll share with you all the happiness I've found, a reflection of the love in your eyes" I wake up longing for her often...

The trip:
And this morning I have already chanted an hour of Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and before I knew it I was crying. I cried on and off through the whole hour. This trip seems a metaphor for my whole life now...here I am, heading off alone...into the great unknown. Just like in my life. I have to be resourceful! I have to keep plugged in completely to the power of the universe. I have to enjoy my OWN company and love myself!
I'll have to come up with some innovative ways to take care of myself...like pack in smaller bags once I get there because my suitcase will probably be too heavy. I chanted for all the life force of the universe to well up within my life and protect me...for the flights to be on time...for the car rental people to know I'm coming...and I may just go out and buy a baby computer for the trip. The idea of not being connected whenever I want just leaves me dumbfounded. And I can't buy an iphone until the fall when hopefully Sprint and iphone are compatible. You can be sure I'll be posting! Bon Voyage on this rainy day. Maybe Chicago is sorry to see me leaving!

California Here I come!

Hello! Tomorrow I leave for California for two weeks! I'll be visiting dear friends all over Northern California! My son will be joining me there and we'll have a blast....in the redwoods, by the ocean...in the mountains! I'll still post when I can!

Chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo everyday!

Yesterday, yet again, and ever since the 22nd of this month I have upped my chanting to THREE hours a day. And I have been doing it...every day. It helps not to be working! (Although I did chant three hours a day in the fall of 2007 when I was working - for 70 days)
What can I tell you?
I feel things moving.
I'd better, you say!
Yesterday I realized, when chanting for my son in college that I had to drive the three hours with a hand delivered care package for him. He'd been sick all week and I knew I had to go. How it worked out is even more magical than that, because my younger son went with me and we had some quality time to talk about some very important events in his life...then he had a chance to talk to his brother as well...maybe that is the real reason I had to go. I was at an hour and a half of chanting and I just felt the tears coming down my cheeks and I jumped up and said I have to go! I was headed down with my younger son within moments.
I'm going to go start my chanting now, and will post more soon.
On the 11th I go to the Bay Area for two weeks! I'll make sure to post from my travels.

Buddhist Bliss!

That's just what I'm experiencing right now! Buddhist bliss...feeling...knowing...believing and seeing that my desires are actually leading me to the deepest happiness I've ever known...because they are leading me to chant hard from the deepest core of my being...as Nichiren Daishonin says "chant as if to make fire from wood, or water from a dry well" THAT kind of chanting!

You should just see me...since 2005 I have lost over 65 pounds...35 of that since October 28th of last year! I fit in the cutest clothes ever!

Think about the changes in my life since I began this blog and started chanting 2 hours a day. At that time I was soooo sad. That's one of the reasons I began the two hours a day...also I was entering into my 25th year of Buddhist practice and aware I wanted to make some huge changes in my life! And that's what I've done...

My husband and I are amicably divorcing and looking at the next phases of our lives now that our Buddha Boys are almost grown. We have fulfilled our parenting mission together. My desire is for us to have the kind of life after divorce that will inspire people...that we'll still work well together for the good of the kids and remain the close friends we've always been. (Can I just say that this is an enormous breakthrough)!!

And now I have something new and exciting and that is an opportunity to recreate myself in the work world. I am no longer employed by the retirement community I worked for over the past 4 years...and the future is so bright for me. I'm not sure exactly where it will lead me...but right now I'm planning a trip to go visit my dear friends in the Bay Area for a few weeks. I have friends all over and it's been a few years since we had good quality time together. Yaaay!

And this morning I chanted for 2 hours with a desire I can't share with you just yet...one I thought I couldn't have...one that would literally make the impossible happen. And here I am, on top of the world.

Remember - there are no bad desires! You desires are yours alone...if you don't get what you are chanting for you will get something better.