The more I practice Buddhism, the more I see that my ability to feel and release my emotions, not run from them, is a gift I can offer the world. And every morning and evening, I face the Gohonzon with all my heart...dedicating my life to proving the power of the mystic law through my life.
Sometimes it's hard to actually know what emotion I'm feeling. Strong emotions just overwhelm me...and I have to focus to see what they are. Lately, I am in extreme grief after the death of my son this summer, at the age of 22.
Those of you who read this blog know how hard I fought to keep him alive, but, in the end, the mental health system in this country totally failed him, and he took his own life...I say Schizophrenia killed him...because it's the truth.
So I am left with my mission...and I cannot change the past. How do I continue to show actual proof? How do I continue to encourage people? I think it is by living my absolute best life...by turning poison into medicine in some ways I don't even know right now.
Key #1
Make a Chanting Determination
Key #2
Make a Physical Determination
Key #3
FEEL the emotion!
For the moment, I'm focusing on making my body strong and healthy, focusing on business success...and building healthy momentum. Every day I do my best to chant two hours a day, and most days I make it...and some days I am just crying and chanting.
Today I was frantic with grief. I felt I must have failed my son. I'm his mother. I should have been able to protect him. Part of me knows that this is absurd...and that I did everything in my power to help him. Part of me believes I failed him.
So I took it to the Gohonzon and exercised my spiritual muscle. I sat and chanted, even though it was really, really hard today. I chanted until I saw Ben as the Buddha he is.
His life and death have meaning. Some has been revealed already. Some we have yet to learn.
Then I got on the treadmill and got my heart rate up...that always makes me feel better. Later I did EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) tapping and felt the emotion of anger and loss come pouring out of me. I let myself experience the depth of the emotion...and the anger ran its course and I felt peace.
The 3 Keys to Releasing Emotions really work!
I offer this to you on December 1st, when the holidays are happening here in the states, and emotions are magnified...
The best gift we can give others is our own happiness. It's the truth. The best gift I can give my family, my son Aaron, my sister Alison, and my father...is to go through my grief and get to the other side...and ultimately turn poison into medicine.
I never told anyone of how I truly feel, I am working on this, I felt like I truly failed my mother, I am a nurse, my mom died, I fought and cried all night, my mom was in pain, but everyone did not want to take responsibility for a minor procedure that went wrong. Since when did a decision had to be made whether to place my mom into ICU. I stayed nights in that hospital with my mother, no matter what I did, she died. She died in 2013, I am still hurting
ReplyDeleteYou can release yourself from this suffering! I had regrets about how my Mom died too. I don't feel these regrets any longer and I feel the practice really helped me!
DeletePlease write me at chantforhappiness@gmail.com and I will respond to you personally. I may have some insights for you.
See, I got caught with my emotions, I do chant, chant while crying and thru chanting , I receive, helpful thoughts, but the pain is still there..........but I think more about the good times, my mom and I had together...........
ReplyDeleteGood, my aim is to feel happiness when I think of my dear sweet boy - not regret or sadness. I chant about this all the time.
DeleteWow Jamie! very encouraging! Wishing you immense happiness in every fleeting moment of life that you live. Nam myoho renge kyo.
ReplyDeleteThank you David!
DeleteSo you still need to do eft besides chanting! How does eft help?
ReplyDeleteHi, chanting can lead us to other modalities that also help our lives. We go to the Doctor, don't we? We exercise. We may do yoga, or other things. Chanting does not mean we can only chant. I find that doing EFT, Tapping, really helps me to release emotions that are stuck in my body. I use Jessica and Nick Ortner's books and read other tapping literature as well.
DeleteI am still fighting with the emotions of loosing my love. Now I will sit before my Gohonzon with my emotions fully uncovered , fully opened.
ReplyDeleteHow can I get my chanting help me of this crippling overwhelming depression I experience such anguish dispair it is debilitating I chant and chant but nothing changes. I am suicidal please help me
ReplyDeletePlease get help immediately. Call the suicide hotline. Call a friend in faith. In the States you can go to the emergency room and say you are in danger of hurting yourself. Please get help! This time will pass!
DeletePlease send me an email at chantforhappiness@gmail.com and I will encourage you personally. Please do not give up! This storm will pass!
ReplyDeleteVery encouraging! Thank you so much for sharing.
ReplyDeleteMy mother died 11 months ago...her first death anniversary is coming up in January 2016....
ReplyDeleteShe died one day before my birthday and died before the day I was flying back to be with her....My grief has been sporadic.....some part of me has not really taken it in or fully accepted it....and a part of me understands the process of death as part of life....a Buddhist part is more accepting.....but the other part of me is still grieving......