Chanting so hard

I chanted for five hours yesterday because this is such a challenging time for me...and I gave the lecture on the Gosho called "Letters to the Brothers" It is all about how negative forces ruse up to obstruct our practice and discourage us when we are practicing CORRECTLY, and we can either be swayed by them or fired up by them.

Yesterday I chose to be fired up and chanted for five hours.

I chanted for the pain in my life to end. That's it. Done. No more physical pain in my leg...no more emotional pain wrenching at my heart. No more pain. Done finito. Now, I know there might still be some pain, because pain is part of life, but lately I've just been feeling I have more than my fair share! And I'm done with it.

In my chanting I dug so deep and I commanded my life to change.

And you know what? Today was a different day...a suffering that I have been suffering from for so long...was lifted, and hope is shining in my eyes, and I am a different person. A dear friend and I reunited and shared a magical afternoon.

And I can go on...and make it through the next couple months, where I have a job transition...and I'm divorcing my husband...and I am still missing my Mom so very, very much.

I can make it and persevere.

I know, because I have a gohonzon, and I chant to it, that I will come out of this dark time with absolute victory in my life. That is my vow. I vow every day to win in my life...to have victory in my health, my finances, my job, my relationships, my family...every single area of my life...my wonderful District of incredible SGI members...everything.

Yes, I am still struggling...but that's the POINT! I won't give up. Watch me! Come with me!

Major Goal Achieved! Breakthroughs!

Well...I'm making it through the storm in a grand way, that's all I can say. Things have taken such a turn for the best! Business is booming, I'm in demand with so many cool things...and I have move ins happening. I've been invited to wonderful parties...things are just hopping. I spent yesterday with my wonderful son in Champaign...watching him run...going out to dinner...talking about the really important things. He went to WDC at the winter break and lived as a homeless person for 2 days and 2 nights...he got to see what an outcast really feels like...and there he is chanting in his fraternity at Illinois...MAN!
What a great day...and my younger son ran his best in a meet on Friday night and we reconnected with all our dear running family friends. I came home last night to a living room full of teenagers - I jsut love having them around!

And this morning I made it to the ILAC (Illinois Area Community Center) where I always chant ROUSING...FIGHTING daimoku with a great group. This morning I led the chanting for the last half hour of the 2 hour chanting session (toso). I always begin the chanting by inviting President Ikeda to join us in our chanting, and I focus on connecting deeply with my inner being and my desires ---I chant to connect soooo strongly, that those who are chanting with me feel a deeper connection than they EVER have! Literally, I was perspiring, and I never perspire! It's amazing when the energy just flows!!!
Then I was treated to a wonderful party...and did some fun shopping...and watched some amazing olympics...great weekend!!!

And I reached my diet goal today! I reached the goal I set for myself...I may decide to still lose some more, but I have reached a landmark in my life and I feel great! Now, to enter the world of eating other things...geez, I hardly even want to try. Maybe I'll live on steak and chicken for the rest of my life! I can't believe the cute clothes I'm wearing.

AND I got rid of a longing that has plagued me for a year. I passed the year mark of an event, and just determined to myself that something would go click in my heart...and my feelings would change...I would no longer feel a longing for something so deeply...something I clearly cannot have at this time.

I feel so peaceful and happy.

This Wednesday is the Women's meeting at my house...a very special meeting. Email if you want to come. I am chanting for everyone who comes to have a major breakthrough in their lives!!! It could be you!
Hugs, Jamie

Battling it out with my own karma

Yesterday as I was lamenting about my current state of limbo and fear of the future and anger I was reminded that ALL people are a mirror of my life...and the darkness I am feeling already existed within my life before another person drew it out.
I just hate hearing that. But know it's true...
So today I am chanting to somehow appreciate the fact that this darkness is coming out of my life so I can change this karma forever and end the rage and fear that settles within me...and to appreciate the person acting as a catalyst so I can release it!

Remember - I can change this karma...these feelings...that's the beauty of this practice!

Hello!

Oh so many changes...

I am still diligently pouring my life into my Daimoku (chanting) every day. I'm chanting for the growth of the Downers Grove District...and that all members everywhere experience benefits and share this practice.

AND I'm chanting for protection and wisdom! I decided not to buy that condo I blogged about a few weeks ago. I'm not sure if I just got cold feet or I just realized I don't want to have something sit on the market for a long time when I decide to sell it! I don't know...I still think about it. And I'm looking at apartments and other alternatives. We're also starting soon to figure out how we'll divide things.

It's sad you know. I'm married to a very good person. We raised two excellent young men. But it's time - truly...to make this move!

So every morning I sit and true-up in front of my altar. I say what I'm thinking and feeling...(in my mind as I'm chanting) then I set my sights on chanting in appreciation...and I move into what I want to create...including chanting for the happiness of everyone in my life.

This is an interesting time.

This month is Women's Month in Buddhism. Last night we got together to chant, and learn more about this practice and get to know each other. We are so lucky to have so many cultures practicing Buddhism. No one is left out!

Let me hear from you - and I'll blog more often!

Huge Changes!!!!

Ok, are you ready for a huge breakthrough?

Are you sitting down?

There's a reason I haven't written this blog for awhile and it's not only because my mother died.

I am starting a brand new life.

On October 28th I started losing weight rapidly after watching a friend's success. The diet is based on hormones and she said it gave her a "whole new life" ~ not just a trim body.

Then Mom died...and in the month that followed I was flooded by insight, and of course continued chanting my two hours a day of daimoku. Many things conspired beautifully for me to realize that now it the time for me to end my marriage and begin the next phase of my life. I couldn't write in here until we talked to the children and told the families...I just didn't want anyone to hear of this by blog!

It is so amazing. My husband is going to buy me out of the house and keep it so Ben and Aaron will not lose their home base. I am buying a condo in a highrise 5 minutes from here. I have the signed contract...and the pieces are coming into play for it to happen, It's so beautiful...and I can picture my new life there.

I just decided I could not wait another 18 months until Ben graduates. My life does not need to be on hold anymore. I am, of course, chanting so much for my husband and my children. My determination is for this process to be an inspiration to people...just like my Mom's life celebration...unlike anything people have ever seen before...and for each one of our lives to be strengthened and enriched by going through this.

So far, so good. The kids are great. I have amazing children. My husband and I have worked well as parents. We are still going to be parents, but don't need to live together. I hope we will always be friends. He and I both deserve to be with people who delight us and adore us!

I started the year with such a bang and the momentum continues!
I was appointed District Leader of the SGI Downers Grove District on New Year's Day! Since we don't have clergy, or "churches" in the SGI, that's almost equivalent to being a church leader...I am responsible for helping people learn to chant and to apply this practice to their lives to attain great benefit!!! What an honor! I am so excited!

I even had the courage (I was shaking, really!) to stand up at Rotary during Good News/Bad News and tell people about my Buddhist appointment. I added that in Buddhism we don't replace God or Christ with the Buddha and pray instead to him. We believe the Buddha Nature and indeed, the entire universe, exists within each person and can be tapped by the chanting of Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. I believe that is an important distinction for my non-Buddhist friends to know!

Wish me luck and congratulations! This is a huge breakthrough in my life that I've been building up to for so many years. I know this two hour a day Daimoku campaign has given me the strength, insight, and courage to change my life for the better. And as I mentioned, it is my determination that each member of my family flourishes through this decision!!!!

I'll be writing here a lot more often...keeping you posted.

Life Celebration

Well, I can tell you one thing. I don't think anyone who attended the Life Celebration for my Mom has ever been to anything CLOSE to what this was...and I'll be willing to bet they've told at least a few people about it!
It was a total success.
I started chanting with this prayer a the beginning of the week: I VOW to achieve VICTORY in ALL areas of my life...together with my mentor...chanting with his spirit.
And Mannnn what we did. We had a beautiful room full of twinkly lights.
We started with Gongyo and daimoku and had an altar all set up for her at the front. It generated so much energy. Each person came up to the front and places powdered incence on the burner and said Nam Myoho Renge Kyo three times and said a prayer for her.

Then we had a table all set up with her jewelry on it. Mom's big thing was giving gifts...she gave all kinds of wacky things...and she had a huge collection of jewelry. So she was able to give away some of her jewelry to her friends.

It was awesome...inspiring. But somehow I just haven't been able to blog since then. I'll pick it up in the new year. Promise.

Today is the day

SO today is the day of my Mom's Life Celebration. All week I have been so excited about it...writing the beautiful life story...getting twinkly lights for the atmosphere...inviting all our friends...planning the food and finding Hawaiian Leis for everyone. And right now...after holding Thanksgiving here...I am so bushed. I think I'll go back to bed for a bit...already chanted an hour and a half and cleaned more of the kitchen. Everything is in place...for 2 ceremonies...one Buddhist, one a life celebration.