Saying Goodbye

Strength in adversity...that is what it is all about right now...
We took Mom off of the respirator on Monday...and all of us were gathered like angels around her bed. Aaron found an immediate bus ride from Champaign, I called Ben out of High School and Tyler left a full school day at Lewis. We were all there for that brief moment when they take her off of sedation, take the tubes out of her mouth and she is lucid for awhile. It really was awesome. When she realized what was happening, and that she wasn't going to get better she rolled her eyes at us, shook her head and said clearly "shit!" And we said "right on Mommy! Right on!"
We all hung on her every word and even had some laughs. We told some stories and shed some tears. We said our goodbyes and expected her to go on her journey soon...and she is still here! We spent the entire last two days at her side. We know she knows we are there, but she can't talk. She is on comfort care. Today Ben has been playing music for hours.
Every morning I have been chanting for two hours for her...for my sister...for Mom's wonderful grandchildren...and to somehow have something so beautiful, so rare, so sweet~sweet Jan come from this experience. How can I, as a Buddhist have this experience be an encouraging one? We Buddhists believe in turning every poison into medicine.
How will that happen? I honestly don't know. All I see for the moment is my aching, aching heart. But stay tuned. And please, if you can, chant for her, and for all of us who are already missing her so much.

Keep Chanting

Well, there's really no change in Mom's condition right now...she is still on the respirator. More and more people are telling me stories about loved ones they had on a respirator who went on to live really great lives once they came off. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo Mommy!
I'm not stopping chanting for you, and so many of you have joined in. Keep Chanting ! It's too early to give up!

This morning Sam and I went to the Illinois Area Activity Center and chanted for two hours. He's a brand new member and he chanted the full two hours. He told me the first half hour he was focused on what he desired and the second half hour was a war in his mind...I know exactly what he means.
When you chant you bring it all out! Go SAM! Go all of you!!!

Chanting for my Mom

Well, it is, as they say in this practice...the crucial moment. We've been trying since Thursday morning to get my sweet Mommy off the ventilator ans she is just not strong enough...and now she's developed a mrsa infection in her lungs. Oh no.
Ben just competed in the state Cross Country meet. He ran a great race...was in 2nd the whole race and ended up in the end at 18th.
It's been a long day.
I'm headed back to the hospital to chant for her at 8:00. They won't let you in between 7:00 and 8:00 because they are changing shifts in the ICU. Chanting, chanting, chanting, working to keep my life condition so high...if you can, please chant with me!

Chanting for my Mom

Such challenges! Nam Myoho Renge Kyo!
My Mom is in the hospital. Yesterday was a really frightening day...Last night they had to put her on a ventilator in the middle of the night. I am sooo grateful to be a Buddhist! I woke up this morning and chanted for an hour and a half for my Mom's health. I pictured all her cells working in harmony, and saw her beautiful smiling face! Then I emailed my friends and asked them to chant for her too.
She's stable on the ventilator, and the goal is to gradually wean her off, and strengthen her. ICU is a wonderful place for her to be. She's sedated and well taken care of.
As I was chanting I kept thinking of Nichiren Daishonin. Through his prayers he extended his mother's life by seven years. I was digging deep to muster all my faith, to summon forth my determination. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo!

New Determinations!

Hello! We're still chanting two hours a day!
Melissa and I, we're not stopping.
It's just too wonderful floating on this cloud of daimoku.
Tomorrow I officially end my million diamoku campaign...and start my next one.
I still have goals to be met...and we have the state meet coming up for Ben.
My determination for the Downers Grove District is so clear...I am determined that the district grow into the most vibrant and happy district anywhere. I'm chanting for strong, courageous youth to join us...
and for people whose hearts are yearning for solutions to come out of the woodwork, hear what we have to say and decide to try chanting for themselves.
We already have one wonderful and courageous person starting to chant...I can't wait to hear his results. Tomorrow night, he gets his Gohonzon!

Great Obstacles = Great Benefits!!!

Wow! Suddenly I have lots of challenges! Congratulations to me! That's what we Buddhists sometimes say to each other when we are faced with huge obstacles: Congratulations! Huge obstacles mean HUGE BENEFITS!!! Without obstacles we could never break through!

Great benefits are already happening. I got two deposits for move ins today at my retirement center...and, best of all, a friend came tonight to the Buddhist meeting and decided to start chanting. He's going to get his Gohonzon next week. It was such a beautiful meeting...so honest...so heartfelt...so full of what this practice is about...the power to draw the power of the universe right into your life. It rocks! The members who came tonight rock! Daimoku Rocks!!!!

Well, it's the evening of the first day of my 25th year of chanting.

Have I accomplished my goals for this day? Mostly yes...and for the ones I have not accomplished I am working on creating fresh determinations.

I am happier, much happier than when I began the blog and chanting 2 hours a day. I feel stronger...less afraid...more determined. I AM rooting out the unhappiness that has always been plaguing me...I am setting my emotions on a higher level of happiness. I have raised my life condition.

That's huge.

My professional life is flourishing...I am embarking on a new project to help students spend 10 minutes with 10 professionals asking them questions and doing career research in an afternoon. (I'm working on a catchier title...it's basically speed networking, but I don't want to call it that) I wish I had this kind of opportunity as a student! I never knew what I wanted to be. I was lucky that I received such wonderful sales training in my first job..."Just be their friend" Al told me, and suddenly I was a record breaking sales person! Phew, at least I could do that! And I'm glad I majored in Creative Writing...I use that skill in business every day.

My kids are great...my life is so good.

But I still have challenges and I am still keeping up the 2 hours of daimoku and the blog.

As of today, I have chanted for more than half the time I have been alive! And my dear friend Kindred started chanting today! YAAAAYYY that's the best "birthday" gift ever!