Mother's Day.
What an interesting time.
Thought you might be interested in the letters Mom and I wrote to each other this weekend in honor of Mother's Day. And no, Mom wasn't "here" physically, but she was with me ~ right by my side.
I wrote:
Mommy
Oh, adorable, noble, beautiful, warm, soft loving Mommy.
There will always be a hole in my life now.
The Mommy is not here hole.
The Mommy can't hug me hole.
Oh how I wish I had hugged you more.
I how I wish I could turn back time.
I'm all cliches tonight.
As I dread the thought of Mother's Day
without my sweet Mommy.
Maybe if I can focus on the good times ~
Like the day you and I drove out to Saint Charles
to get my favorite soft jacket.
What a beautiful fall day...when I spoke with
Matayman and we laughed all day.
We were so happy ~ we wanted to freeze time.
Oh sweet Mommy.
How I miss you.
How I will always miss you.
And I held the pen gently on the paper and she replied...
Mom Wrote:
Oh come on now J
Buck up
Don't cry your brilliant life away.
Look at you!
Sparkling! Beautiful, with your whole life to look forward to!
I know things are a little weird for you right now.
I know you miss me and Matayman and Danny and Boo.
But you can't stay down J ~ you must rise up!
If anyone can do it you can!
Look at YOU! You did the impossible!
How many other impossible feats can you achieve?
YES! You will find a job~
YES! You will find love~
YES! You will be happy ~ be a leader
J you will thrive.
I'm not worried about you at all!
And I am with you sweetie
I never leave your beautiful side
I never leave your beautiful side
Monday, May 10, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
And GREAT Results!!! Victory ROCKS!
GREAT DAY after chanting FIGHTING Daimoku this morning!
I was asked to be a part of a golf outing that will be a blast and a wonderful place to network. Actually I was asked to be a part of two golf outings...terrific places to network and to make new friends!
I found out that the choir I traveled to Romania, Poland and Russia with is having a reunion! I'm going to sing with them and attend all the parties! The director - one of my favorite people in the world ~ is flying in to lead us. It is perfectly timed for me - I have a totally free weekend that weekend! Imagine...as a child...I sang in these incredible countries. The experience changed my life forever...and now, at this crucial juncture in my life...I get to be reacquainted with these loving friends!
I also had the honor of judging the Rotary High School Scholarships and was so inspired by these great kids.
And, I met with a friend in the senior living field I really respect. We had a brainstorming session and came up with some great career ideas.
There's even more...I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight!
This was a great day!
I was asked to be a part of a golf outing that will be a blast and a wonderful place to network. Actually I was asked to be a part of two golf outings...terrific places to network and to make new friends!
I found out that the choir I traveled to Romania, Poland and Russia with is having a reunion! I'm going to sing with them and attend all the parties! The director - one of my favorite people in the world ~ is flying in to lead us. It is perfectly timed for me - I have a totally free weekend that weekend! Imagine...as a child...I sang in these incredible countries. The experience changed my life forever...and now, at this crucial juncture in my life...I get to be reacquainted with these loving friends!
I also had the honor of judging the Rotary High School Scholarships and was so inspired by these great kids.
And, I met with a friend in the senior living field I really respect. We had a brainstorming session and came up with some great career ideas.
There's even more...I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight!
This was a great day!
Battling it out!
Here I am...the weather here is beautiful...my friends are wonderful..I have a nice roof over my head as I figure out exactly how the next half of my life is going to unfold...and almost every day I wake up and have a choice. I can stare straight into my karma of feeling unloved, and empty and sad...or I can focus on all the appreciation I can summon in my life.
This morning I am just about to sit down and command my life. I am going to tell the universe, through my chanting to the Gohonzon, that I don't CARE how sad and lonely and unloved I feel. I KNOW that I can change this darkness and root it out from my life. I will never give up. It doesn't matter where it came from...I brought it with me as my mission to change. At the Linda Johnson meeting I kept hearing "change karma to mission" and that's what I will do.
Hear me Buddhist gods!
Entities within the Gohonzon!
Forces that Exist in all of life and in my LIFE!
I will not be defeated!
I will not be sad!
I don't CARE how many times I wake up in tears...I will be happy...I VOW to be victorious in all of my life. With President Ikeda and all the members and all the people I wish to introduce to this practice....I will WIN!
This morning I am just about to sit down and command my life. I am going to tell the universe, through my chanting to the Gohonzon, that I don't CARE how sad and lonely and unloved I feel. I KNOW that I can change this darkness and root it out from my life. I will never give up. It doesn't matter where it came from...I brought it with me as my mission to change. At the Linda Johnson meeting I kept hearing "change karma to mission" and that's what I will do.
Hear me Buddhist gods!
Entities within the Gohonzon!
Forces that Exist in all of life and in my LIFE!
I will not be defeated!
I will not be sad!
I don't CARE how many times I wake up in tears...I will be happy...I VOW to be victorious in all of my life. With President Ikeda and all the members and all the people I wish to introduce to this practice....I will WIN!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Daimoku makes you SHINE!
Today I gave a talk on Networking to Veterans in Transition. (Unemployed) I could not sleep a wink all night thinking about this talk. How could I reach their hearts and give them hope and inspire them not to give up on finding work they can do and love...?
I was writing in the wee hours of the morning and woke up and chanted an hour and a half for each of them to have a breakthrough from being at my talk.
I had been invited in by the Department of Employment Security and I wore my new bright yellow suit for the first time and felt GREAT!
They treated me so well, introducing me to the manager of the office. I was so impressed with her heart. These employees of the government sincerely want to help people find jobs. This is not just a job to them...it is a calling.
As you can imagine, the talk went really well.
I began by thanking them for their years of service to this great country, and saying they are what keep it great. Then I offered my best tips on networking. It went great!
You never know where one pro bono talk can lead. And even if it leads no where...it was a very good thing to do!
I came home after that and made networking calls for myself and my strategic job search/creation.
Tomorrow is a talk by Linda Johnson the SGI women's leader!
I was writing in the wee hours of the morning and woke up and chanted an hour and a half for each of them to have a breakthrough from being at my talk.
I had been invited in by the Department of Employment Security and I wore my new bright yellow suit for the first time and felt GREAT!
They treated me so well, introducing me to the manager of the office. I was so impressed with her heart. These employees of the government sincerely want to help people find jobs. This is not just a job to them...it is a calling.
As you can imagine, the talk went really well.
I began by thanking them for their years of service to this great country, and saying they are what keep it great. Then I offered my best tips on networking. It went great!
You never know where one pro bono talk can lead. And even if it leads no where...it was a very good thing to do!
I came home after that and made networking calls for myself and my strategic job search/creation.
Tomorrow is a talk by Linda Johnson the SGI women's leader!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Quote from Daisaku Ikeda
“People who love
with the most all-consuming fervor
are those
who live life
to the fullest,
regardless
of how long
the physical existence lasts.
To invest
one’s heart and soul
in caring for others,
to burn with passionate love for humanity,
is what Buddhists call
the
I believe
this kind of perfect life
constitutes the way
to optimal health
and true longevity.”
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Sincere Gratitude and Deep Prayers!
Today there was a big meeting at the culture center in Chicago and a showing of the film "Traveler for Peace". It is about Daisaku Ikeda's first trip to America and Brazil in 1960.
I got to the culture center a few hours early so I could pour some more daimoku into my life...chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Lately I have been chanting in appreciation for my wonderful life...I mean, look at me...having the chance to reinvent my whole life. As challenging as that sounds it is also a profound gift and opportunity! Thank you life! Thank you Buddhahood! I am celebrating!
And I also have friends who are struggling. One close friend is mourning a death, hobbling on a sprained ankle and just had another disease strike him that is very troubling. I am really chanting for him, and hoping he really chants for himself too!
When I went in to the round Gohonzon room the leader of the chanting came up to me and said "Why don't you lead for awhile"? This person didn't know it, but leading the chanting is one of my favorite things to do! I sat right in front of the Gohonzon and chanted in so much appreciation! I chanted for Daisaku Ikeda to come to Chicago and for every member in the room to have a huge breakthrough during the half hour we were chanting together. And I chanted so hard for my friend with the sprained ankle that I was actually sweating in front of the Gohonzon...the energy was running so strongly through me...I was totally one with my prayer! It feels like flying and like digging deep at the same time. Indescribable.
I also chanted for my new friend in Botswana, Kennedy, who started reading this blog and sent me an email. And my new friend Ric I just met today who is an ER physician and so inspiring. I wish all doctors had his vision fro healing!
I chanted for all my members, and for my family and community.
Oh it feels so good to pour my life and my desires into my prayers. This is exactly what I always wanted for my life and the answer to what I searched for for so long: a practice that I could use to focus my incredible energy and have my prayers answered. Thank you so much Daisaku Ikeda and Nichiren Daishonin, and President Makiguchi and Josei Toda! And all the members who taught me how to chant. I am forever indebted!
I got to the culture center a few hours early so I could pour some more daimoku into my life...chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Lately I have been chanting in appreciation for my wonderful life...I mean, look at me...having the chance to reinvent my whole life. As challenging as that sounds it is also a profound gift and opportunity! Thank you life! Thank you Buddhahood! I am celebrating!
And I also have friends who are struggling. One close friend is mourning a death, hobbling on a sprained ankle and just had another disease strike him that is very troubling. I am really chanting for him, and hoping he really chants for himself too!
When I went in to the round Gohonzon room the leader of the chanting came up to me and said "Why don't you lead for awhile"? This person didn't know it, but leading the chanting is one of my favorite things to do! I sat right in front of the Gohonzon and chanted in so much appreciation! I chanted for Daisaku Ikeda to come to Chicago and for every member in the room to have a huge breakthrough during the half hour we were chanting together. And I chanted so hard for my friend with the sprained ankle that I was actually sweating in front of the Gohonzon...the energy was running so strongly through me...I was totally one with my prayer! It feels like flying and like digging deep at the same time. Indescribable.
I also chanted for my new friend in Botswana, Kennedy, who started reading this blog and sent me an email. And my new friend Ric I just met today who is an ER physician and so inspiring. I wish all doctors had his vision fro healing!
I chanted for all my members, and for my family and community.
Oh it feels so good to pour my life and my desires into my prayers. This is exactly what I always wanted for my life and the answer to what I searched for for so long: a practice that I could use to focus my incredible energy and have my prayers answered. Thank you so much Daisaku Ikeda and Nichiren Daishonin, and President Makiguchi and Josei Toda! And all the members who taught me how to chant. I am forever indebted!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Changing Weight Karma!
I have absolutely changed a deep part of my karma.
Remember, in this practical form of Buddhism, karma is the result of every cause you've ever made through every existence you have ever lived. That is not the same as saying it is your FAULT. No, it is not your fault. You are not guilty and there is no original sin in this practice. There is karma. How do you know it's karma? You know because you try everything you can think of to change it...you watch what other people do...and still your life does not budge...that is why we need to chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo! Check this out:
I was born into a heavy family. My mother took pills for her weight the whole time I was growing up...and my birthright, my karma, was insatiable hunger. There was a little voice in my head constantly telling me to eat more and more and more. Starting from the first grade I felt different from the other girls. Soon after that the boys began making fun of me for my weight and my fate was sealed. I had to shop in the special section and finding clothes was so hard.
When I was in third grade I got asthma. Scary asthma. And they didn't take you to the hospital in those days. And they didn't have inhalers. One day when I was running and I just stopped breathing...barely made it back to my house. From then on I could never run or walk up stairs or play tennis or do ANYTHING or I'd suffer for hours gasping for breath. That, of course, didn't help with the weight problem.
Throughout my life I dieted every way you can think of...weight watchers...Atkins... optifast (I was on that for 6 months and am so lucky to still have my gallbladder...everyone else I know who was on it lost theirs!) And each time I would lose the weight I would gain it all back...either through pregnancy or through eating cheese popcorn.
Honestly...that is not a joke. I felt as long as there was a bag of cheese popcorn in the car I would survive. I was soothing something within me that was just crying out for more and more.
I was deeply in the world of hunger.
Over the past few years I have changed this karma. I think it is no coincidence that I have lost this last 35 pounds while chanting 2 hours a day. I am filling my life with daimoku. I would like to show you a picture I just found. It is of me and my Mom and my aunt. You can clearly see the family karma. I am at least 70 pounds lighter and I look at least ten years younger.
My body no longer cries out for food all the time, and I no longer have asthma. I have chanted for this for years...visualized it. I put together a book of pictures of how I wanted to look. And chanted with a vow and determination...knowing I could change this through my prayer. And it has worked!
I have changed this karma that caused me so much suffering!
If I can do this I can do anything, because, I'll tell you - for many years this was impossible! But that's what this practice is all about...making the impossible possible!!!!
Remember, in this practical form of Buddhism, karma is the result of every cause you've ever made through every existence you have ever lived. That is not the same as saying it is your FAULT. No, it is not your fault. You are not guilty and there is no original sin in this practice. There is karma. How do you know it's karma? You know because you try everything you can think of to change it...you watch what other people do...and still your life does not budge...that is why we need to chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo! Check this out:
I was born into a heavy family. My mother took pills for her weight the whole time I was growing up...and my birthright, my karma, was insatiable hunger. There was a little voice in my head constantly telling me to eat more and more and more. Starting from the first grade I felt different from the other girls. Soon after that the boys began making fun of me for my weight and my fate was sealed. I had to shop in the special section and finding clothes was so hard.
When I was in third grade I got asthma. Scary asthma. And they didn't take you to the hospital in those days. And they didn't have inhalers. One day when I was running and I just stopped breathing...barely made it back to my house. From then on I could never run or walk up stairs or play tennis or do ANYTHING or I'd suffer for hours gasping for breath. That, of course, didn't help with the weight problem.
Throughout my life I dieted every way you can think of...weight watchers...Atkins... optifast (I was on that for 6 months and am so lucky to still have my gallbladder...everyone else I know who was on it lost theirs!) And each time I would lose the weight I would gain it all back...either through pregnancy or through eating cheese popcorn.
Honestly...that is not a joke. I felt as long as there was a bag of cheese popcorn in the car I would survive. I was soothing something within me that was just crying out for more and more.
I was deeply in the world of hunger.
Over the past few years I have changed this karma. I think it is no coincidence that I have lost this last 35 pounds while chanting 2 hours a day. I am filling my life with daimoku. I would like to show you a picture I just found. It is of me and my Mom and my aunt. You can clearly see the family karma. I am at least 70 pounds lighter and I look at least ten years younger.
My body no longer cries out for food all the time, and I no longer have asthma. I have chanted for this for years...visualized it. I put together a book of pictures of how I wanted to look. And chanted with a vow and determination...knowing I could change this through my prayer. And it has worked!
I have changed this karma that caused me so much suffering!
If I can do this I can do anything, because, I'll tell you - for many years this was impossible! But that's what this practice is all about...making the impossible possible!!!!
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