Huge Changes!!!!

Ok, are you ready for a huge breakthrough?

Are you sitting down?

There's a reason I haven't written this blog for awhile and it's not only because my mother died.

I am starting a brand new life.

On October 28th I started losing weight rapidly after watching a friend's success. The diet is based on hormones and she said it gave her a "whole new life" ~ not just a trim body.

Then Mom died...and in the month that followed I was flooded by insight, and of course continued chanting my two hours a day of daimoku. Many things conspired beautifully for me to realize that now it the time for me to end my marriage and begin the next phase of my life. I couldn't write in here until we talked to the children and told the families...I just didn't want anyone to hear of this by blog!

It is so amazing. My husband is going to buy me out of the house and keep it so Ben and Aaron will not lose their home base. I am buying a condo in a highrise 5 minutes from here. I have the signed contract...and the pieces are coming into play for it to happen, It's so beautiful...and I can picture my new life there.

I just decided I could not wait another 18 months until Ben graduates. My life does not need to be on hold anymore. I am, of course, chanting so much for my husband and my children. My determination is for this process to be an inspiration to people...just like my Mom's life celebration...unlike anything people have ever seen before...and for each one of our lives to be strengthened and enriched by going through this.

So far, so good. The kids are great. I have amazing children. My husband and I have worked well as parents. We are still going to be parents, but don't need to live together. I hope we will always be friends. He and I both deserve to be with people who delight us and adore us!

I started the year with such a bang and the momentum continues!
I was appointed District Leader of the SGI Downers Grove District on New Year's Day! Since we don't have clergy, or "churches" in the SGI, that's almost equivalent to being a church leader...I am responsible for helping people learn to chant and to apply this practice to their lives to attain great benefit!!! What an honor! I am so excited!

I even had the courage (I was shaking, really!) to stand up at Rotary during Good News/Bad News and tell people about my Buddhist appointment. I added that in Buddhism we don't replace God or Christ with the Buddha and pray instead to him. We believe the Buddha Nature and indeed, the entire universe, exists within each person and can be tapped by the chanting of Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. I believe that is an important distinction for my non-Buddhist friends to know!

Wish me luck and congratulations! This is a huge breakthrough in my life that I've been building up to for so many years. I know this two hour a day Daimoku campaign has given me the strength, insight, and courage to change my life for the better. And as I mentioned, it is my determination that each member of my family flourishes through this decision!!!!

I'll be writing here a lot more often...keeping you posted.

Life Celebration

Well, I can tell you one thing. I don't think anyone who attended the Life Celebration for my Mom has ever been to anything CLOSE to what this was...and I'll be willing to bet they've told at least a few people about it!
It was a total success.
I started chanting with this prayer a the beginning of the week: I VOW to achieve VICTORY in ALL areas of my life...together with my mentor...chanting with his spirit.
And Mannnn what we did. We had a beautiful room full of twinkly lights.
We started with Gongyo and daimoku and had an altar all set up for her at the front. It generated so much energy. Each person came up to the front and places powdered incence on the burner and said Nam Myoho Renge Kyo three times and said a prayer for her.

Then we had a table all set up with her jewelry on it. Mom's big thing was giving gifts...she gave all kinds of wacky things...and she had a huge collection of jewelry. So she was able to give away some of her jewelry to her friends.

It was awesome...inspiring. But somehow I just haven't been able to blog since then. I'll pick it up in the new year. Promise.

Today is the day

SO today is the day of my Mom's Life Celebration. All week I have been so excited about it...writing the beautiful life story...getting twinkly lights for the atmosphere...inviting all our friends...planning the food and finding Hawaiian Leis for everyone. And right now...after holding Thanksgiving here...I am so bushed. I think I'll go back to bed for a bit...already chanted an hour and a half and cleaned more of the kitchen. Everything is in place...for 2 ceremonies...one Buddhist, one a life celebration.

Mom's Life Celebration!

Life is continuing on! And I'm OK. I actually feel so calm today. I am in the midst of planning two ceremonies for my Mom. First we'll do a Buddhist one at 4:00 on Friday, then at 6:00 we'll do one without the chanting, but incorporating Buddhist themes. I'm writing and officiating each one, and that's what I love to do...it's the other details that go into it that make me appreciative for my sister and my family and all who are helping!
I'm also back and work, I have Buddhist study meeting tomorrow night at my house...and Thanksgiving here on Thursday...woohoo!!!!!
Thank goodness I'm chanting two hours a day!

After she died

Life is getting back to normal..only I just keep tearing up. I guess that is normal. Losing a parent is something everyone goes through (unless of course they die first, and losing a child would be the worst thing of all).

So, we carry on, appreciating those days at her bedside...appreciating having her for a mother...appreciating the fact that all three granschildren were able to hang out with her non her last lucid day...Veteran's Day. Ben played his guitar, and Aaron and Tyler talked with her and stayed with her. I had gone in early on Wednesday to chant for her and watch the sun rise. Yesterday was a very exciting Buddhist meeting here at the house. I made a huge vat of very colorful chili and had 20 people over. Next...my Dad comes in and we plan her Life Celebration!

Goodbye my sweet Mommy

Goodbye my sweet Mommy.
May your journey be beautiful
may you continue to shed light, laughter and happiness
everywhere you go.

May your sunshine continue to shine here for all you touched,
and may all the people you touched smile
remembering your warmth and special touch

May you have a rejuvenating rest...
and emerge raring to go
into your next life...
shedding all of the difficult karma you dealt with here...
in your next life...
no more broken and bruised heart,
no more damaged lungs,
no more teeny tiny veins!

I wish you
plenty of fortune in so many ways...
abundant good, vibrant HEALTH,
an incredible family to be born into...
...with incredibly loving, prosperous and Buddhist parents, so you can start chanting again right away, and recognize and love this practice again, just as you did in this lifetime,
...to have dear, dear friends and wonderful adventures,
and for all your dreams,
forever and ever
to come true

Saying Goodbye

Strength in adversity...that is what it is all about right now...
We took Mom off of the respirator on Monday...and all of us were gathered like angels around her bed. Aaron found an immediate bus ride from Champaign, I called Ben out of High School and Tyler left a full school day at Lewis. We were all there for that brief moment when they take her off of sedation, take the tubes out of her mouth and she is lucid for awhile. It really was awesome. When she realized what was happening, and that she wasn't going to get better she rolled her eyes at us, shook her head and said clearly "shit!" And we said "right on Mommy! Right on!"
We all hung on her every word and even had some laughs. We told some stories and shed some tears. We said our goodbyes and expected her to go on her journey soon...and she is still here! We spent the entire last two days at her side. We know she knows we are there, but she can't talk. She is on comfort care. Today Ben has been playing music for hours.
Every morning I have been chanting for two hours for her...for my sister...for Mom's wonderful grandchildren...and to somehow have something so beautiful, so rare, so sweet~sweet Jan come from this experience. How can I, as a Buddhist have this experience be an encouraging one? We Buddhists believe in turning every poison into medicine.
How will that happen? I honestly don't know. All I see for the moment is my aching, aching heart. But stay tuned. And please, if you can, chant for her, and for all of us who are already missing her so much.