This is my birthday weekend! And I have absolutely broken through so much!
I hear from so many of you about the ONE MAN who will fulfill you, and OH do I ever know how you feel. But the truth, as we all know deep inside, is that only YOU can fulfill YOU! But it is a battle that needs to be fought in front of the Gohonzon. You will know that you have broken through when you are happy NO MATTER WHAT! It may not happen overnight. But it will happen if you persevere!
Have you ever spent time chanting - and you KNOW beyond a shadow of the doubt that in this session you got down to a level of karma, faced it and KNOW you will never be the same? This happened for me this week.
On Thursday I had a date scheduled with a new wonderful man, but we hadn't set the exact time and I was waiting to hear from him, and I was chanting sincerely. I realized that my pattern, my karma, was to usually expect the worst, and usually be disappointed in my relationships. I reviewed every relationship from my kindergarten first love Russell who moved away, to Gary in 7th grade who listened to his friends when they mocked him about liking me so he dropped me...and on and on and on. I chanted and said to my life "I will change in ANY WAY I need to change to no longer expect the worst from men. I take full responsibility for generating this energy, and I vow to change it. I know I can! I am digging deep to change this karma, I will change this karma and my relationships will bring me joy not sadness!" And as I got up from that half hour I actually felt different. As you can imagine I had a wonderful evening that night...and it is continuing on and on...I have been generating love and acceptance for my own sweet self, and focusing on receiving all the good the universe has for me, and it is working!! I feel so great and I had the best birthday I have ever had!
I woke up yesterday, September 22nd, chanted, talked to dear friends from all over, then I took out my guitar and played and sang for an hour and a half. After that, I had a rapturous lunch with Ben, my sweet son who came all the way from Oxford Ohio to help me celebrate my birthday. I came home to receive a delivery of gorgeous flowers, took a walk with a dear friend, and received a telephone call from KATE (from LA) that she was in the airport in Chicago and could come and spend the night and go to my party. I raced to the airport, then the party where I played guitar and sang and so did both my boys. And every single moment of the day I was singing the praises of my wonderful life in my heart. There is absolutely no trace of the "poor me...why me" thoughts that used to appear so frequently...no trace of any dissatisfaction with a single moment...and I've been feeling this way for some time.
I have really broken through. As a Buddha we need to realize that we just can't blame our environment for anything! We ARE our environment and the only thing that is of ANY USE is to change ourselves, and then everything will change.
I know this is a deeply personal post, and some of you will probably be thinking "Who IS this woman" but for those of you who have been reading chantfothappiness.com for some time, I hope you realize that I am writing this to encourage you that NO MATTER WHAT PAIN YOU ARE IN. No matter what you are struggling with....if you persevere you can fly on wings of happiness just like I am. But you can't blame your environment! You can't BLAME anything, not even yourself. You must instead accept responsibility, and face it and stare it down in front of the Gohonzon! We must ROAR like LIONS and realize that WE DESERVE TO BE HAPPY! And we have the ultimate tool to create it. How did I do it? I continued to chant for what I really wanted...what I really wanted...and it has led me to fulfillment and happiness!
Don't give up!
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