Parenting Wisdom

This week my son Ben and I spent many hours together when I went to bring him home from college. He was filled with appreciation for me. His eyes are opening up to how much he appreciates  having me as a Mom, and Paul as a Dad.

Buddhist parenting is such a joy! It is so reassuring to be able to use this practice to gain insight and wisdom in how to raise children. Like many parents, my two boys are the great loves of my life. I adore them, and it has been the most-fulfilling work of my life to have the honor of mentoring and protecting these two precious souls. I have many questions coming from readers about parenting, so I will be posting about parenting from time to time, and creating material for a book for you.

First - some basics:
What has been my goal in parenting?

My parenting goals - my children should :

Have a strong sense of self and know their own power
Be Happy
Be Fulfilled
Be Socially and academically successful
For them to have goals for their lives and follow their dreams
For them to KNOW they have the ultimate tool to solve their problems: Daimoku
Be Healthy
Be Filled with hope and vitality
Practice this Buddhism to create the life of their dreams
For them to believe in themselves!

First things first:

Before my first child was born I chanted a million daimoku to be financially successful enough to be able to spend time with him. I ended up having a substantial income and working only 4 days a week so I could have a "Mommy and Baby Day" every Wednesday.
I also chanted to be mature and have wisdom as a mother.

I chanted for their karma while they were in the womb.
I thought about all the suffering I had gone through as a child (I mentioned before that I didn't have many friends and was very lonely) and chanted for their karma to be changed by the time they were born.
I chanted for their health and for their dreams to come true.

After they were born the real fun began.
I loved having babies. And I loved them at every stage of growth. I was always on the floor playing with them whenever I could.
I knew this time was fleeting...I knew that before I knew it these two precious babies would be all grown. And in the blink of an eye they are now in their twenties. I was right.

They began chanting right away...just after they started talking.
One day they came to me saying they'd had bad dreams and I said "Oh that's easy! Let's sit down and chant about this and the bad dreams will go away immediately!" And the bad dreams vanished. 

We had one important rule we always stuck by: "Stop Means Stop." The rule was just as it says...if you are playing with someone and they want you to stop doing something "stop means stop." They shouldn't have to plead or beg or fight. Stop means stop. This rule was perfect. It worked from the very beginning. My children learned respect for each other. Stop means stop!

I knew that I could never allow them to physically fight with each other. I saw families where physical fighting was the norm. Stop Means Stop was really helpful! 

One day, they began to get into their first real fight over some toy. I stayed calm. I called them into the Gohonzon room and I said, "Common guys! We're going to sit down and chant to never fight again and to really love your brother." And I know this sounds almost impossible but they just said "Okay Mommy!" and sat down and chanted. And they never fought again. This is the truth. They have always been very close, and supported each other. 

Throughout their High School years they were always saying "We don't know anyone as close to their brothers as we are." 

I always look for the good in them. Always. My theory is that each child already thinks they are somehow inherently BAD. I know I felt that way. I had terrible self-esteem, and people were always picking on me, just like they pick on everyone it seems. So I felt it was my mission as a mother to reinforce how GOOD my boys were...to always comment on the good things they were doing, and to not focus on anything else. What you focus on increases. I increased the GOOD by saying "I am so proud of you. You ALWAYS know what is best for your life. You have so much wisdom inside you, just listen to your own heart. It knows what to do." 

One time Ben made a bad decision. He followed his friends and took a key off a computer, and was caught. He felt such remorse, he was sobbing in sadness and so mad at himself. I brought him into a hug and told him about the time I was caught taking a flower from a woman's garden on the way to school. She called the school, and the Principle found me and I had to go apologize to the woman. It wasn't pleasant, but I did it. And it was over and done with. I reinforced to Ben that all people make mistakes from time to time, but that doesn't mean they are starting a downward spiral, and that doesn't mean he is BAD to the core. The very fact that he was upset was enough punishment. He did not keep doing bad things. And I continued to look for the good. The other day he mentioned this to me, and said it was just an amazing moment for him. I helped him to turn the whole incident around. I constantly reinforced his OWN wisdom. 

There is so much more....every time they had challenges with friendships or anything else we headed to the Gohonzon. 

I will write more about parenting. 

In the meantime I hope you are enjoying the sights and sounds of the season. Tonight I went to see my songbird sing in her High School Concert. Lovely! 

A True Victor in Life

My son, Aaron Michael Silver, has been running since he was in seventh grade. This year he is a senior in college. He has run 10 cross county seasons. His freshman year of High School he went to the state meet as an alternate in a blazing moment of glory that he assumed would be repeated year after year...but sadly, the team failed to qualify for state again while he was in High School.


In college Aaron took the University of Illinois Club Team under his wing. As President, he brought them from about 8 members to 80 members, and molded the team to be warm and close like his High School Team under the direction of the legendary coach Will Kupisch or "Kup"


This year Aaron hit paydirt...just in time. Of course, I can tell all of you that Aaron chants...and was chanted for long before he was born. One day I hope to write a book on Buddhist parenting. I am so grateful to have been able to give my children the key to accessing the power of the universe within them...a way to solve every problem and create value for themselves and others. Everything starts with prayer.


This year, as a senior, Aaron's season was going so well. Almost every meet he was setting a new personal record for time and speed.
On Saturday, at the National meet in North Carolina, with his Grandfather and Grandmother watching, he came in 5th out of about 600 young men, and his team came in FIRST. 


Imagine that...the total and complete thrill of a personal best...a personal achievement and leading your team to victory as well. The girl's team from Illinois also won...so it was a victory for them all. Aaron is going to be writing to President Ikeda to report to him.
What an wonderful example of never giving up....keeping chanting until your prayer is answered...what an incredible experience for us all.


And the day before the race, I found out some incredible news about medical school for him. His goal is to be a neurologist. I found out that the school of his choice has him in the "Yes" pile, just waiting for him to contact them and express his interest. Talk about good news....I am just filled with it these days.
And one more thing. The race happened to fall on the two year anniversary of my sweet Mommy's flight into her new life. Aaron said he could feel her...and all our support and daimoku...and he ran strong, strong, strong for the full 8k, 24:41 race!


As a parent, I don't think there is anything more satisfying than seeing your child break through all obstacles and succeed through their own prayer and determination. Aaron proved something to HIMSELF on November 12th. And no matter what happens in the future...he knows the boundless power of the law...coupled with determination and action. Aaaaahhhh....I reverently appreciate knowing and practicing the chanting of Nam Myoho Renge Kyo to access the universe within! Thank you to all who have brought this teaching to me, and especially my mentor Daisaku Ikeda, and Kate Randolph and dear friend Kathy Fisher and all my friends in faith. This is a victory for us all!!!!

Raising Amazing Kids

Where should I start?
Being a Buddhist parent is so USEFUL.
Practical Buddhism helps with everything parenting related.

When I was pregnant I chanted a million Daimoku for my child.
I chanted for maturity...wisdom...for my child's health and good karma. I chanted that my prayers would bring him into this world with so much of his karma already taken care of. I chanted for him to have a dream and pursue it.,..not wander aimlessly like I did for so long...learning the hard way! I chanted for prosperity and a beautiful home....and all of it came true.

He has been a beacon of good sense, wisdom, leadership, intelligence and heart since the day he was born. He has been a leader in every endeavor. The honors at graduation from high school just kept coming and coming...and the scholarships too (he applied for them all by himself). He is in college now and chants in his fraternity. We are very close.

My second child is amazing in so many ways. He is a natural musician and composer, and has the knack of perfect comic timing. He's an actor and an athlete and is totally committed to his sport of running.
He is a joy to be around. He challenges himself at every turn.
He and his brother are very close.

Both of my guys started chanting when they were around two years old and wanted to stop having bad dreams. We chanted 5 minutes together and the bad dreams went away. Occasionally the dreams would reappear and we'd chant again and they'd be gone.
Both children have had sports careers that have kept them chanting, they have so much to be proud of.
I have trusted them both, and urged them to trust themselves always.
I've always encouraged them to listen to their inner wisdom and it never lets them down. They are also fortunate to have a wonderful, loving, attentive father.

I always have trusted my kids and they have never betrayed that trust. They don't drink or smoke or eat junk food....but they do leave their stuff in the living room so they aren't perfect! When we chant together it is like the angels singing together.

They have each had many other experiences with chanting...I'll share some others as time goes on.

Do you have parenting questions? Let me know, I'd love to help!