I have achieved VICTORY in one area of my life.
I'm telling you about it to serve as an example of how you can create a victory in your own life.
I have triumphed over something that caused me great suffering, and outlining the steps I took towards that victory. You can apply this to any problem or challenge that feels impossible to you. I share this with you in the hopes that you can use this outline to create your own victory. This is my experience and not any official advice from anyone besides my own heart for your happiness.
When I was six years old I realized that my thighs were bigger than the rest of the skinny girls in school. In third grade I had to go on medications for asthma and had to stop running around, because I stopped breathing when I ran. Back then we didn't go to the hospital, or have inhalers. I would spend hours just gasping for air. It was even scarier than it sounds. Anyway...I was soon much heavier than the other kids, at least most of them.
Being overweight is a terrible way of suffering here in America. It leaves you free to be tormented by any kid who wants to show off and prove his own self worth. I went on my first diet in fourth grade, but I was always hungry ALL the time. I knew it wouldn't work. Our houeshold diet consisted of the standard American diet at the time...lots of processed foods.
In High School and College I went from diet to diet and lost and gained weight more times than I can count. But I could not fix the problem. When I became a Buddhist after college I chanted sincerely about this problem, and every year at New Years I would determine to lose fifty pounds by my birthday. I did lose the weight a few times, but it always came back.
OK, here's the encouraging part.
Every year I determined to lose the weight. Every day I determined to do it. And even when I felt hopeless and a failure I determined to lose the weight. A few years ago I made a book of pictures of what I wanted to look like, and I visualized myself walking into my favorite clothing store and buying anything I wanted. I also wrote a list of why I wanted to be thin. I put every sentence in the present tense. And I kept chanting, encouraging others and introducing people to this practice.
I chanted that "No matter what, I am going to be victorious in this endeavor so that I can help others who are also suffering." Even when I felt discouraged I did not stop. I found one diet that helped, and I gained back some of the weight. I found another that brought me down further. I was living at a lower weight but had more to go. I incorporated walking vigorously into almost every day. Yet, I still lived in fear that one day I would gain back all the weight. And every day was a struggle with myself. I was hungry all the time. I was mad at myself most of the time.
Then came the real breakthrough. In 2012 I chanted to be more healthy than I'd ever been. I chanted for more energy in my body, a quicker, more resilient mind, and to develop strength. I chanted to discover what I did not know that could help me. I chanted to bring to me the resources and people who would know just what I needed to do to live in absolute health. I chanted to change in any way possible to make this dream a reality in my life. I chanted to release myself from the torturous world of hunger, fear and doubt once and for all. And every time doubt and depression arose in my mind I vanquished it by saying "I don't CARE how many times you rise to defeat me, I WILL WIN! I will keep chanting until doubt, depression and defeat are out of my life forever."
One day in the fall a friend told me about a professional she had consulted who had known exactly what foods and supplements she needed, and she was following this professional's advice and felt better than ever. I asked for her name and called her. She basically told me everything I was eating was wrong, and that I had to change everything. Everything. I couldn't phase the new way of eating in. I had to do it all at once. It took a few days for this to sink in.
Then I connected with my dear friend Julia who had been eating a plant-based, whole food diet for three months and was so excited about it. She told me about all the great foods I could eat, and introduced me to many new ways of cooking and buying and seasoning food.
See, that's the way it works. When we keep our determinations, eventually the universe conspires (breathes with us) to provide all we need to make the victory real. That night I saw a doctor on TV saying that the average American diet makes people hungry all the time, and that telling someone on the average American diet not to eat when they are hungry is like telling them not to breathe when they need air. That really made sense to me.
The minute I started this new way of eating my intense hunger just evaporated. I felt free of hunger for the first time in my life. I have now been eating this way since November 14th. I feel better than ever. My clothes fit better than ever. And the fear of gaining the weight back has vanished. It's not going to happen. It is gone. I have changed a deep suffering. I am out of fear. I am enjoying food more than ever and cooking incredibly delicious soups and stir frys. I have replaced almost everything in my kitchen.
So whatever it is that is your deepest, most troublesome karma...whatever is impossible in your life. You can change it too. You can gain victory over it. No, it might not happen over night. I had to develop to the point that I could handle making a transition easily and with no suffering. I had to change something deep within my life, and now my environment is changing to reflect the change in side my life.
My great desire is for my experience to help you in some way.
If I can do THIS, you can do ANYTHING.
