Saturday, January 18, 2014

Guest Blog for a Happy Marriage!

Here is a guest blog from a reader sharing her new realization and fresh determination to create a happy marriage: 

"I Just read your reply to 'Broken Heart' and had a little ponder to myself.  
When I first started practising, I was incandescent and could not understand why the whole world was not chanting.  My zealousness scared my husband and we had some major clashes and at one point he threatened to leave me.  I kept chanting, getting guidance, chanting for him and myself. At the point he threatened to leave, my practice was strong enough that I could say quite calmly ' you must do what makes you happy, if that does t not include me we can come to a fair arrangement over the business and the boys, but I will not give up this practice.' I think it shocked him how strong I had become, I did not fear being alone. (broke yes, but not alone). 
Six years passed and the Gohonzon is enshrined in the heart of our home, my husband sits at the computer while I 'drone'.  Things settled down and I am so grateful!  This week we had our first clash in ages; it started as a business/money row but once again he turned angry at my practice. (2 meetings in one week). Well, I muttered to myself for the day, went over and over the argument in my head with better more crushing responses, leading to my triumph....we had a polite and silent night, then the next day I chanted while driving and I had a light bulb moment, an epiphany. 

I wasn't practicing, I was cruising! 
I had stopped chanting for his happiness!  

I immediately turned off all my slandering nit picky criticisms of his character and started a list of all the great things that he is and when I got home I wrote them down and formed a prayer. I chanted for my Buddha nature to reach out and recognize his.  I really want a partner in faith, I really want him to chant, and most of all I realized, I want him to be happy. 

His purpose in my life is to to challenge my faith to make it stronger, I just needed reminding. 

After all, if I hadn't been so unhappy with my life and him, I would not have gone to the library and found 'The Buddha in your  Mirror.' in the first place...he brought me to the practice really! 

I mentioned this at the meeting last night and said I am chanting to reduce my fight/flight/defensive response to my husband's criticism of the practice.  The study was "Reply to Yasaburo", where Nichiren is giving pointers on how to conduct oneself in debate, and I think the key is to be better prepared with study. And in my case maybe some stock answers.  It's not as if my husband is a great orator; his standard reply to any religious belief is 'it's all bollocks' which is hardly a well thought out argument, not based on any experience and he dismisses all my proofs;  so I will be chanting to find the angle that hooks him, the right words to make him pause.  

Wouldn't it be great if he took the 'Amos challenge'!  (And took on practicing just to prove I am wasting my time. That's how Amos began chanting, and he's still chanting and inspiring people more than 40 years later) 

My husband is such a strong, energetic determined man.  I remember at the beginning I set myself a target of 10 years to get him to chant with me.  I better re-determine that and get a move on!

Anyway glad to get that off my chest, I feel I must be making some small progress for kosen rufu and my practice for this to happen this week.  

With love and respect,        

a reader of"


  1. Dear Jamie thank you for sharing that. It read just like my life ! Seventeen years of practice, phenomenal growth on every front, but baby steps on husband coming closer to the practice. Then recently a guidance from a men's div leader changed my perspective. He said to me, " But your husband is already practicing. He supports your practice in many ways. Just because he doesn't attend meetings and isn't on the membership list you think he's not practicing. " This changed my whole mindset and soon after, my husband has offered to take me to Japan to the new center as my fiftieth birthday gift. Do I need more proof ?

  2. love to you.great sharing.god bless you