Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Today is the day

It has been a year today since I started chanting 2 hours a day!
Gonna start chanting my 2 hours now, and check in later. I need to post some before and after pictures and give you all a full report!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Impossible? No way!!!!!

Here I am
Unbelievably here
In a body
My body!

Brand new

For my whole life
I struggled in shame

Unable to conquer for good
The urge to eat, eat, eat, eat -
never full...never satisfied
Knowing, yes knowing
That I was trying to fill the unfillable hole
But I had to obey-
Even against my brain,
Even Against my heart,
Even against my own
Smart, smart self
I had to obey
I searched endlessly
Every single day
For the foods that would
Quiet the screaming
Quiet the crying
Quiet the asking
Right in my own belly.
And I'd go to bed knowing
Tomorrow I'd be searching again
Even though
I'd wake up in pain...
Swollen, unhappy,
Pants getting tighter...
Hard to look in the mirror

Oh how I tried
You cannot say I did not try!
But defeat was always looming,
Like my life KNEW it was impossible
After every hard-won weight loss
The asking ~ the hole
Claimed dominion
Because it had to
Because it was impossible.

Then last year
July 27th, 2009
I said enough!
I'm about to enter my 25th
Year of chanting
Nam Myho Renge Kyo
I know
I possess the power
Of the entire universe in my life
I know
I am the Buddha
I know
I hold the key
I determined
To chant 2 hours every day
To make the impossible possible
And finally change
the karma left unfinished
The pain
Left creeping around in my life

Enough I said!

Be gone with you!

I am the Buddha

I will roar with
E faith of the lion king!
I will join with my mentor
Daisaku Ikeda
And my members and friends
And accomplish the impossible.
I vowed to be
And here I am

A year later
In the thick of it.

Happiness? Check
so much better...
The endless ache
Is all but gone

Health? Check
About to brave surgery
That needs to be done
To free me to hike...
To dance...
To run...

And weight?
The pounds I always said separated me
From being who I am
Having what I want
Living how I want to live

Gone! Forever gone!
And the voice is silent.

Not anymore.
I have accomplished the impossible
Wile holding the hands of my fellow members
I have said
If I can do THIS
Then nothing is impossible!

What else can we do?


Wednesday, July 21, 2010


What an incredibly delicious, fabulously beautiful day to be alive.

Heading up to Irving Park Road to chant at ILAC for two hours...then a massage and a District Meeting tonight!


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

A Magical Summer

I am so grateful for this time.

The surgery is set for the 19th of August.

I am interviewing for jobs, but not too motivated since surgery is looming. I have no idea how long the recovery will be, so I wouldn't want to promise anything to an employer...and thank goodness, at this point I don't have to.

And I am here. With Ben, my 17 year old son. We're accomplishing so much and having so much fun and chanting together too.

Every morning we watch the Tour de France. And we've got it taped so we can fast forward through the commercials. We enjoy it together.

Today we cleaned out some of the boxes in the basement from Mom's apartment. Phew. We cleaned out several other areas also, and have more to do. By the time I get set to move out, so much will have been done. I know it will be a lot...but we are making steady headway and that is tremendous. And we are enjoying each other so much. Ben is gifted with an incredible sense of humor and comic timing. And I'm on pain meds now and not in as much pain as before...and we are both relaxed and having fun with each other...even while doing a task that is emotional for us both.

Today I am realizing what a treasure I have right here...right now.

I love my life.

Nam Myoho Renge Kyo!

Monday, July 19, 2010

It has almost been a YEAR!

Almost a year since I started this blog...and began chanting 2 hours a day. I'm about to sit down and take a look at all the ways my life has changed in the past year. I can tell you one thing. I know I am not done, and I will continue this chanting. I can also tell you another...the deep, deep sadness has lifted considerably. It is not all gone...but it sure is better!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

almost painfree...hard to believe!

OK, so I've decided to really go with this and stop being in so much pain. I got myself a parking pass and some pain medicine that works...it works so well I didn't want to get off my exercise bike last night and I'm really feeling it today. I can't use the pain medicine when I'm driving so I can't use it today. I'm about to drive downtown to take my friend to the Andy McKee concert...but first...chanting with a friend.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Rock the Era

WOW is all I can say!
The future is in good hands!
Imagine hundred of young performers! Thousands all told.

There must have been almost 500 Taiko drummers alone.
The UIC Pavillion was rocking with sheer determination and energy.
And the Long Beach event was amazing too...
And the best thing is...it isn't over, it is just beginning. Each of these youths will continue to strengthen their faith and break through whatever they consider impossible!

And the weather...OMG it was perfect. As we left the pavillion the clouds were towering majestically - as if to say "Well done! Well Done!!!!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Setting the date for Surgery

That's right! This week, in the week of decisive victory I am setting the date for the hip replacement surgery that will restore my ability to walk without pain, to hike, to dance freely...I am setting the date and looking at the hopeful spirit my practice has given me.
Two years ago, when I was first told this diagnosis, I was not strong enough to face it...and I was hopeful that I could be the miraculous person who just overcame late stage arthritis by sheer will and exercise and prayer alone.
Two years later...with the pain ever-present...and after strengthening my life through daimoku...I am readying my life to go "under the knife"...a place I sure never wanted to be! But somehow, I am getting the courage to do this thing...and I am thinking about what could be on the other side. I am hopeful I will say "piece of cake! No problem!"
And I am grateful for Rock the Era...and how we are all able to focus on world peace through individual happiness.
Rock on.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

More Rock the Era


Please check out this article! It's all about Rock the Era! There's probably an easier way to do this besides cutting and pasting but I don't know what it is!

It's worth reading and passing on

Monday, July 5, 2010

Twelve Hours of Chanting Daimoku later...

First of all I have to make it very clear that

NO ONE is EVER expected to chant 12 hours of Nam Myoho Renge Kyo!

However...every once in a while (maybe every 20 years or so) some of us find ourselves in very challenging times and CHOOSE to do a long tozo! And it's no coincidence that the Rock The Era events are coming this weekend...when huge causes are made (such as Rock the Era) huge challenges leading to huge breakthroughs are possible.

So there was a 12 hour tozo (continual chanting of Nam Myoho Renge Kyo) held at the ILAC on Irving Park Rd. (Illinois Area Activity Center). A handful of us ~ those of us with REALLY big challenges chanted the whole 12 hours. Most of the people came and chanted an hour or two.

We all chanted for mild weather for the week and weekend. People will be driving and flying from all over to come to the UIC Pavillion. We chanted for their safety...
We chanted for every one involved to deepen their faith and have a life changing experience.
I chanted for everyone who wanted to attend to be able to attend.
And, of course, through 12 hours there was plenty of time to chant for my main goals:

1. For every member of my family to be happier
than they ever dreamed possible.
2. I fall in love with my own magnificent life!
3. I replace forever my complaining nature, and my inclination to feel sorry for myself with Appreciation and HOPE!
4. I kick anxiety, fear, insecurity, and desperation out of my life and replace them with security, composure and peace of mind.
5. To change in any way necessary for me to create the life I want ~ overflowing with abundance and love, friends and soul mate, great secure, meaningful employment, and a great place to live!
6. To be a magnetic, positive, prosperous speaker and writer for Kosen Rufu (world peace).
7. For my sons to really feel Sensei's spirit at the event this weekend...and ALL the youths there to feel it. For them to realize their true power.
8. I was born to dance in joy!


Here we are the week before the campaign...and I know that I am not alone out here. Facing the most...how shall I say it?...challenging time of my life. What will I decide? How will I go forward? Last week I chanted three hours a day from Monday through Friday...today there is a 12 hour tozo (chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo) at ILAC center on Irving Park. Will I be able to complete it? I don't know, but I'm going to try.