It has been a year today since I started chanting 2 hours a day!
Gonna start chanting my 2 hours now, and check in later. I need to post some before and after pictures and give you all a full report!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Impossible? No way!!!!!
Here I am
Unbelievably here
In a body
My body!
Brand new
For my whole life
I struggled in shame
Unable to conquer for good
The urge to eat, eat, eat, eat -
never full...never satisfied
Knowing, yes knowing
That I was trying to fill the unfillable hole
But I had to obey-
Even against my brain,
Even Against my heart,
Even against my own
Smart, smart self
I had to obey
I searched endlessly
Every single day
For the foods that would
Quiet the screaming
Quiet the crying
Quiet the asking
Right in my own belly.
And I'd go to bed knowing
Tomorrow I'd be searching again
Even though
I'd wake up in pain...
Swollen, unhappy,
Pants getting tighter...
Hard to look in the mirror
Oh how I tried
You cannot say I did not try!
But defeat was always looming,
Like my life KNEW it was impossible
After every hard-won weight loss
The asking ~ the hole
Claimed dominion
Because it had to
Because it was impossible.
Then last year
July 27th, 2009
I said enough!
I'm about to enter my 25th
Year of chanting
Nam Myho Renge Kyo
I know
I possess the power
Of the entire universe in my life
I know
I am the Buddha
I know
I hold the key
I determined
To chant 2 hours every day
To make the impossible possible
And finally change
the karma left unfinished
The pain
Left creeping around in my life
Enough I said!
Be gone with you!
I am the Buddha
I will roar with
E faith of the lion king!
I will join with my mentor
Daisaku Ikeda
And my members and friends
And accomplish the impossible.
I vowed to be
Happy
Strong
Healthy
And here I am
A year later
In the thick of it.
Happiness? Check
so much better...
The endless ache
Is all but gone
Health? Check
About to brave surgery
That needs to be done
To free me to hike...
To dance...
To run...
And weight?
The pounds I always said separated me
From being who I am
Having what I want
Living how I want to live
Gone! Forever gone!
And the voice is silent.
Impossible?
Not anymore.
I have accomplished the impossible
Wile holding the hands of my fellow members
I have said
If I can do THIS
Then nothing is impossible!
What else can we do?
!
Unbelievably here
In a body
My body!
Brand new
For my whole life
I struggled in shame
Unable to conquer for good
The urge to eat, eat, eat, eat -
never full...never satisfied
Knowing, yes knowing
That I was trying to fill the unfillable hole
But I had to obey-
Even against my brain,
Even Against my heart,
Even against my own
Smart, smart self
I had to obey
I searched endlessly
Every single day
For the foods that would
Quiet the screaming
Quiet the crying
Quiet the asking
Right in my own belly.
And I'd go to bed knowing
Tomorrow I'd be searching again
Even though
I'd wake up in pain...
Swollen, unhappy,
Pants getting tighter...
Hard to look in the mirror
Oh how I tried
You cannot say I did not try!
But defeat was always looming,
Like my life KNEW it was impossible
After every hard-won weight loss
The asking ~ the hole
Claimed dominion
Because it had to
Because it was impossible.
Then last year
July 27th, 2009
I said enough!
I'm about to enter my 25th
Year of chanting
Nam Myho Renge Kyo
I know
I possess the power
Of the entire universe in my life
I know
I am the Buddha
I know
I hold the key
I determined
To chant 2 hours every day
To make the impossible possible
And finally change
the karma left unfinished
The pain
Left creeping around in my life
Enough I said!
Be gone with you!
I am the Buddha
I will roar with
E faith of the lion king!
I will join with my mentor
Daisaku Ikeda
And my members and friends
And accomplish the impossible.
I vowed to be
Happy
Strong
Healthy
And here I am
A year later
In the thick of it.
Happiness? Check
so much better...
The endless ache
Is all but gone
Health? Check
About to brave surgery
That needs to be done
To free me to hike...
To dance...
To run...
And weight?
The pounds I always said separated me
From being who I am
Having what I want
Living how I want to live
Gone! Forever gone!
And the voice is silent.
Impossible?
Not anymore.
I have accomplished the impossible
Wile holding the hands of my fellow members
I have said
If I can do THIS
Then nothing is impossible!
What else can we do?
!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Gorgeous
What an incredibly delicious, fabulously beautiful day to be alive.
Heading up to Irving Park Road to chant at ILAC for two hours...then a massage and a District Meeting tonight!
Aaaaaahhhh
Heading up to Irving Park Road to chant at ILAC for two hours...then a massage and a District Meeting tonight!
Aaaaaahhhh
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
A Magical Summer
I am so grateful for this time.
The surgery is set for the 19th of August.
I am interviewing for jobs, but not too motivated since surgery is looming. I have no idea how long the recovery will be, so I wouldn't want to promise anything to an employer...and thank goodness, at this point I don't have to.
And I am here. With Ben, my 17 year old son. We're accomplishing so much and having so much fun and chanting together too.
Every morning we watch the Tour de France. And we've got it taped so we can fast forward through the commercials. We enjoy it together.
Today we cleaned out some of the boxes in the basement from Mom's apartment. Phew. We cleaned out several other areas also, and have more to do. By the time I get set to move out, so much will have been done. I know it will be a lot...but we are making steady headway and that is tremendous. And we are enjoying each other so much. Ben is gifted with an incredible sense of humor and comic timing. And I'm on pain meds now and not in as much pain as before...and we are both relaxed and having fun with each other...even while doing a task that is emotional for us both.
Today I am realizing what a treasure I have right here...right now.
I love my life.
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo!
The surgery is set for the 19th of August.
I am interviewing for jobs, but not too motivated since surgery is looming. I have no idea how long the recovery will be, so I wouldn't want to promise anything to an employer...and thank goodness, at this point I don't have to.
And I am here. With Ben, my 17 year old son. We're accomplishing so much and having so much fun and chanting together too.
Every morning we watch the Tour de France. And we've got it taped so we can fast forward through the commercials. We enjoy it together.
Today we cleaned out some of the boxes in the basement from Mom's apartment. Phew. We cleaned out several other areas also, and have more to do. By the time I get set to move out, so much will have been done. I know it will be a lot...but we are making steady headway and that is tremendous. And we are enjoying each other so much. Ben is gifted with an incredible sense of humor and comic timing. And I'm on pain meds now and not in as much pain as before...and we are both relaxed and having fun with each other...even while doing a task that is emotional for us both.
Today I am realizing what a treasure I have right here...right now.
I love my life.
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo!
Monday, July 19, 2010
It has almost been a YEAR!
Almost a year since I started this blog...and began chanting 2 hours a day. I'm about to sit down and take a look at all the ways my life has changed in the past year. I can tell you one thing. I know I am not done, and I will continue this chanting. I can also tell you another...the deep, deep sadness has lifted considerably. It is not all gone...but it sure is better!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
almost painfree...hard to believe!
OK, so I've decided to really go with this and stop being in so much pain. I got myself a parking pass and some pain medicine that works...it works so well I didn't want to get off my exercise bike last night and I'm really feeling it today. I can't use the pain medicine when I'm driving so I can't use it today. I'm about to drive downtown to take my friend to the Andy McKee concert...but first...chanting with a friend.
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