We've been here so many times, here on the Cape. Paul's brother and sister in law have a beautiful home on Lower Mill Pod in Brewster...I'm sitting by the pond right now as the sun goes down...remembering much noisier times...times with nine children under the age of twelve...all the running...laughing...playing...oh that time goes so fast...goes so fast. I dreamed of Ben last night...he was a child. He was laughing, and smiling, and telling me he could hear the angels.
I know this time of extreme sadness will end. I feel as if I am in the "in between time." I'm recently divorced, Ben is no longer here...and I have not yet met my kosen-rufu partner, and I, like many of you, am optimistic that I will find him...and he will find me. I can feel him chanting for me...or wishing on a star for me... maybe he is not a Buddhist...maybe he is...and I have hope...I have hope...and am chanting.
When we find each other we will travel the world together. People keep telling me "You will find him when you stop wanting him so much." Have you ever had people tell you that?
It makes no sense to me!
At any rate, my determination remains strong. I live to encourage people that even the worst sorrow can rise...now...that no matter what ~ happiness can come in the darkest circumstances.
Do I understand everything? No.
Am I a perfect person? No.
Do I have a huge capacity to love, and want to help people? YES. This I know to be true. Do I have a huge mission? YES and so do YOU!
Aaron just got back from his run...Time to finish making dinner.
Nam myoho renge kyo
Love to you!
