Quote from Daisaku Ikeda

“People who love

with the most all-consuming fervor

are those

who live life

to the fullest,

regardless

of how long

the physical existence lasts.

To invest

one’s heart and soul

in caring for others,

to burn with passionate love for humanity,

is what Buddhists call

the Boddhisatva Way.”

I believe

this kind of perfect life

constitutes the way

to optimal health

and true longevity.”

Sincere Gratitude and Deep Prayers!

Today there was a big meeting at the culture center in Chicago and a showing of the film "Traveler for Peace". It is about Daisaku Ikeda's first trip to America and Brazil in 1960.

I got to the culture center a few hours early so I could pour some more daimoku into my life...chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Lately I have been chanting in appreciation for my wonderful life...I mean, look at me...having the chance to reinvent my whole life. As challenging as that sounds it is also a profound gift and opportunity! Thank you life! Thank you Buddhahood! I am celebrating!

And I also have friends who are struggling. One close friend is mourning a death, hobbling on a sprained ankle and just had another disease strike him that is very troubling. I am really chanting for him, and hoping he really chants for himself too!

When I went in to the round Gohonzon room the leader of the chanting came up to me and said "Why don't you lead for awhile"? This person didn't know it, but leading the chanting is one of my favorite things to do! I sat right in front of the Gohonzon and chanted in so much appreciation! I chanted for Daisaku Ikeda to come to Chicago and for every member in the room to have a huge breakthrough during the half hour we were chanting together. And I chanted so hard for my friend with the sprained ankle that I was actually sweating in front of the Gohonzon...the energy was running so strongly through me...I was totally one with my prayer! It feels like flying and like digging deep at the same time. Indescribable.

I also chanted for my new friend in Botswana, Kennedy, who started reading this blog and sent me an email. And my new friend Ric I just met today who is an ER physician and so inspiring. I wish all doctors had his vision fro healing!

I chanted for all my members, and for my family and community.

Oh it feels so good to pour my life and my desires into my prayers. This is exactly what I always wanted for my life and the answer to what I searched for for so long: a practice that I could use to focus my incredible energy and have my prayers answered. Thank you so much Daisaku Ikeda and Nichiren Daishonin, and President Makiguchi and Josei Toda! And all the members who taught me how to chant. I am forever indebted!

Changing Weight Karma!

I have absolutely changed a deep part of my karma.

Remember, in this practical form of Buddhism, karma is the result of every cause you've ever made through every existence you have ever lived. That is not the same as saying it is your FAULT. No, it is not your fault. You are not guilty and there is no original sin in this practice. There is karma. How do you know it's karma? You know because you try everything you can think of to change it...you watch what other people do...and still your life does not budge...that is why we need to chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo! Check this out:

I was born into a heavy family. My mother took pills for her weight the whole time I was growing up...and my birthright, my karma, was insatiable hunger. There was a little voice in my head constantly telling me to eat more and more and more. Starting from the first grade I felt different from the other girls. Soon after that the boys began making fun of me for my weight and my fate was sealed. I had to shop in the special section and finding clothes was so hard.
When I was in third grade I got asthma. Scary asthma. And they didn't take you to the hospital in those days. And they didn't have inhalers. One day when I was running and I just stopped breathing...barely made it back to my house. From then on I could never run or walk up stairs or play tennis or do ANYTHING or I'd suffer for hours gasping for breath. That, of course, didn't help with the weight problem.
Throughout my life I dieted every way you can think of...weight watchers...Atkins... optifast (I was on that for 6 months and am so lucky to still have my gallbladder...everyone else I know who was on it lost theirs!) And each time I would lose the weight I would gain it all back...either through pregnancy or through eating cheese popcorn.
Honestly...that is not a joke. I felt as long as there was a bag of cheese popcorn in the car I would survive. I was soothing something within me that was just crying out for more and more.
I was deeply in the world of hunger.
Over the past few years I have changed this karma. I think it is no coincidence that I have lost this last 35 pounds while chanting 2 hours a day. I am filling my life with daimoku. I would like to show you a picture I just found. It is of me and my Mom and my aunt. You can clearly see the family karma. I am at least 70 pounds lighter and I look at least ten years younger.
My body no longer cries out for food all the time, and I no longer have asthma. I have chanted for this for years...visualized it. I put together a book of pictures of how I wanted to look. And chanted with a vow and determination...knowing I could change this through my prayer. And it has worked!
I have changed this karma that caused me so much suffering!
If I can do this I can do anything, because, I'll tell you - for many years this was impossible! But that's what this practice is all about...making the impossible possible!!!!

Weeping and Gratitude

This was a week of weeping for me. I think it was more of the sadness that I am working to transform just seeping out of me. I could barely even identify its source. A friend of mine lost someone they loved dearly...and I think I was feeling his pain...and I think I was just releasing pain as well.
All week long I've been chanting 3 - 4 hours a day. I am determined to have my life reveal the incredible benefit that will absolutely come from my life. I am chanting to change in any way necessary to be able to fill the emptiness inside...to love myself...to have confidence and to find a way of making a great income. I have had tremendous earning power in my life...bring it on world! What is the next adventure for me. I have some ideas....I will let you know.
Meanwhile I have my friend chanting three whole hours for me, and for my son Ben, who is a runner who can't run at the moment. I am chanting for him too. My other son is running free! He won the 1500 meter today in Dubuque Iowa for the University of Illinois Club Team - of which he is the President. He won last week too and we got to see him.
The world is so fresh and green and colorful. Tomorrow I will chant at least two hours in gratitude for this wonderful life!~*

Good News

Some good news amidst the chanting and crying I've been doing...today I actually found some great clothes that I'll be able to interview in. I think only women can relate to what I'm saying. You see, I've lost a total of about 70 pounds and have almost no clothes! I know, I know...it's a good thing...yet still a challenge...especially now that I'm out there networking for a job. It still shocks me when I try on a jacket that is a size 8 and it fits. Such a joy!
So after many weeks of trying things on at different stores I finally hit pay dirt.
Some of you are nodding your heads going "yes, yes!"
Seems like the right job will be right around the corner....!

A Dark Time

Yes, it is a dark time.

Seems like chanting 2 and 3 and 4 hours a day is barely scratching the surface. Mannnn, during the last three days I've chanted ten hours...and I swear, 7 of those were impossible...impossible to connect. I sit in front of my Gohonzon and I try to focus and impact my situation. I'm chanting to change myself so that my environment can change...I'm chanting from the bottom of my soul to feel love for myself...to not need it from the outside. I'm chanting for Brave and Vigorous YOUTH to arise...and chanting for my children...
And really, even with all my friends I feel so lonely and sad. Chanting and crying...chanting and crying...you just don't know till you've been there.

Kate tells me I'm in a long tunnel of human revolution. It is so dark that I can't see the light behind me, and I am so far into it that I can't see the light in front of me. But if I just keep moving forward I will have a great breakthrough, and I will experience the deepest of happiness from within. She says I need to release my attachment that love in my life has to come from another person...and to let myself just release that thought...that illusion. And that will be the key. I understand what she's saying on an intellectual level...but still I yearn...

All I know at this point is that I was born to help other people learn to chant, that I know I will break through this sadness, and that somehow I will fulfill this mission. I know I was born to experience the deepest of loves...and I am determined that the deepest, most fulfilling love will be mine. But it seems a long way from where I am to where I want to be. And I'm missing my Mom so much.
My real hope in going through this is to be able to encourage people when they are faced with these kinds of challenges.
I am so ready for a breakthrough...and so hungry all the time...and so determined not to gain back the weight I lost. I'm solving the problem of my sore leg...I will NEVER be driven to the top of my favorite hiking mountain again! I'm doing my exercises and I am already in a lot less pain.
I feel like I felt 25 years ago at the beginning of my practice...my prayer then was "I've been happy before - I can be happy again - get me out of this!" Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, Nam Myoho Renge Kyo!

Meteor in the sky!

Last night there was a huge meteor (we think) that light up the sky in the midwest...my son saw it in Champaign, but no one around him saw it. When I told him it actually happened he was really relieved! He thought maybe he'd imagined it!

That reminds me of Nichiren Daishonin...one of the times he was being persecuted he was being taken to the beach at Tatsunokuchi. He asked to be able to pray to a statue of Hachiman on the way. He YELLED his prayer to the god...he said (and I paraphrase freely here) "You VOWED to protec the votary of the Lotus Sutra! If you do not protect me and I die, the FIRST thing I will do is report you for not protecting me!"
Then they went to the beach to behead him and lo and behold a huge fireball came out of the sky and lit up all their faces and the soldiers couldn't behead him, and in fact some became his followers at that time! Now THATS the way to chant...Such fierce determination in that prayer to Hachiman...we can all learn from it!