Here I am...the weather here is beautiful...my friends are wonderful..I have a nice roof over my head as I figure out exactly how the next half of my life is going to unfold...and almost every day I wake up and have a choice. I can stare straight into my karma of feeling unloved, and empty and sad...or I can focus on all the appreciation I can summon in my life.
This morning I am just about to sit down and command my life. I am going to tell the universe, through my chanting to the Gohonzon, that I don't CARE how sad and lonely and unloved I feel. I KNOW that I can change this darkness and root it out from my life. I will never give up. It doesn't matter where it came from...I brought it with me as my mission to change. At the Linda Johnson meeting I kept hearing "change karma to mission" and that's what I will do.
Hear me Buddhist gods!
Entities within the Gohonzon!
Forces that Exist in all of life and in my LIFE!
I will not be defeated!
I will not be sad!
I don't CARE how many times I wake up in tears...I will be happy...I VOW to be victorious in all of my life. With President Ikeda and all the members and all the people I wish to introduce to this practice....I will WIN!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Daimoku makes you SHINE!
Today I gave a talk on Networking to Veterans in Transition. (Unemployed) I could not sleep a wink all night thinking about this talk. How could I reach their hearts and give them hope and inspire them not to give up on finding work they can do and love...?
I was writing in the wee hours of the morning and woke up and chanted an hour and a half for each of them to have a breakthrough from being at my talk.
I had been invited in by the Department of Employment Security and I wore my new bright yellow suit for the first time and felt GREAT!
They treated me so well, introducing me to the manager of the office. I was so impressed with her heart. These employees of the government sincerely want to help people find jobs. This is not just a job to them...it is a calling.
As you can imagine, the talk went really well.
I began by thanking them for their years of service to this great country, and saying they are what keep it great. Then I offered my best tips on networking. It went great!
You never know where one pro bono talk can lead. And even if it leads no where...it was a very good thing to do!
I came home after that and made networking calls for myself and my strategic job search/creation.
Tomorrow is a talk by Linda Johnson the SGI women's leader!
I was writing in the wee hours of the morning and woke up and chanted an hour and a half for each of them to have a breakthrough from being at my talk.
I had been invited in by the Department of Employment Security and I wore my new bright yellow suit for the first time and felt GREAT!
They treated me so well, introducing me to the manager of the office. I was so impressed with her heart. These employees of the government sincerely want to help people find jobs. This is not just a job to them...it is a calling.
As you can imagine, the talk went really well.
I began by thanking them for their years of service to this great country, and saying they are what keep it great. Then I offered my best tips on networking. It went great!
You never know where one pro bono talk can lead. And even if it leads no where...it was a very good thing to do!
I came home after that and made networking calls for myself and my strategic job search/creation.
Tomorrow is a talk by Linda Johnson the SGI women's leader!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Quote from Daisaku Ikeda
“People who love
with the most all-consuming fervor
are those
who live life
to the fullest,
regardless
of how long
the physical existence lasts.
To invest
one’s heart and soul
in caring for others,
to burn with passionate love for humanity,
is what Buddhists call
the
I believe
this kind of perfect life
constitutes the way
to optimal health
and true longevity.”
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Sincere Gratitude and Deep Prayers!
Today there was a big meeting at the culture center in Chicago and a showing of the film "Traveler for Peace". It is about Daisaku Ikeda's first trip to America and Brazil in 1960.
I got to the culture center a few hours early so I could pour some more daimoku into my life...chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Lately I have been chanting in appreciation for my wonderful life...I mean, look at me...having the chance to reinvent my whole life. As challenging as that sounds it is also a profound gift and opportunity! Thank you life! Thank you Buddhahood! I am celebrating!
And I also have friends who are struggling. One close friend is mourning a death, hobbling on a sprained ankle and just had another disease strike him that is very troubling. I am really chanting for him, and hoping he really chants for himself too!
When I went in to the round Gohonzon room the leader of the chanting came up to me and said "Why don't you lead for awhile"? This person didn't know it, but leading the chanting is one of my favorite things to do! I sat right in front of the Gohonzon and chanted in so much appreciation! I chanted for Daisaku Ikeda to come to Chicago and for every member in the room to have a huge breakthrough during the half hour we were chanting together. And I chanted so hard for my friend with the sprained ankle that I was actually sweating in front of the Gohonzon...the energy was running so strongly through me...I was totally one with my prayer! It feels like flying and like digging deep at the same time. Indescribable.
I also chanted for my new friend in Botswana, Kennedy, who started reading this blog and sent me an email. And my new friend Ric I just met today who is an ER physician and so inspiring. I wish all doctors had his vision fro healing!
I chanted for all my members, and for my family and community.
Oh it feels so good to pour my life and my desires into my prayers. This is exactly what I always wanted for my life and the answer to what I searched for for so long: a practice that I could use to focus my incredible energy and have my prayers answered. Thank you so much Daisaku Ikeda and Nichiren Daishonin, and President Makiguchi and Josei Toda! And all the members who taught me how to chant. I am forever indebted!
I got to the culture center a few hours early so I could pour some more daimoku into my life...chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Lately I have been chanting in appreciation for my wonderful life...I mean, look at me...having the chance to reinvent my whole life. As challenging as that sounds it is also a profound gift and opportunity! Thank you life! Thank you Buddhahood! I am celebrating!
And I also have friends who are struggling. One close friend is mourning a death, hobbling on a sprained ankle and just had another disease strike him that is very troubling. I am really chanting for him, and hoping he really chants for himself too!
When I went in to the round Gohonzon room the leader of the chanting came up to me and said "Why don't you lead for awhile"? This person didn't know it, but leading the chanting is one of my favorite things to do! I sat right in front of the Gohonzon and chanted in so much appreciation! I chanted for Daisaku Ikeda to come to Chicago and for every member in the room to have a huge breakthrough during the half hour we were chanting together. And I chanted so hard for my friend with the sprained ankle that I was actually sweating in front of the Gohonzon...the energy was running so strongly through me...I was totally one with my prayer! It feels like flying and like digging deep at the same time. Indescribable.
I also chanted for my new friend in Botswana, Kennedy, who started reading this blog and sent me an email. And my new friend Ric I just met today who is an ER physician and so inspiring. I wish all doctors had his vision fro healing!
I chanted for all my members, and for my family and community.
Oh it feels so good to pour my life and my desires into my prayers. This is exactly what I always wanted for my life and the answer to what I searched for for so long: a practice that I could use to focus my incredible energy and have my prayers answered. Thank you so much Daisaku Ikeda and Nichiren Daishonin, and President Makiguchi and Josei Toda! And all the members who taught me how to chant. I am forever indebted!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Changing Weight Karma!
I have absolutely changed a deep part of my karma.
Remember, in this practical form of Buddhism, karma is the result of every cause you've ever made through every existence you have ever lived. That is not the same as saying it is your FAULT. No, it is not your fault. You are not guilty and there is no original sin in this practice. There is karma. How do you know it's karma? You know because you try everything you can think of to change it...you watch what other people do...and still your life does not budge...that is why we need to chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo! Check this out:
I was born into a heavy family. My mother took pills for her weight the whole time I was growing up...and my birthright, my karma, was insatiable hunger. There was a little voice in my head constantly telling me to eat more and more and more. Starting from the first grade I felt different from the other girls. Soon after that the boys began making fun of me for my weight and my fate was sealed. I had to shop in the special section and finding clothes was so hard.
When I was in third grade I got asthma. Scary asthma. And they didn't take you to the hospital in those days. And they didn't have inhalers. One day when I was running and I just stopped breathing...barely made it back to my house. From then on I could never run or walk up stairs or play tennis or do ANYTHING or I'd suffer for hours gasping for breath. That, of course, didn't help with the weight problem.
Throughout my life I dieted every way you can think of...weight watchers...Atkins... optifast (I was on that for 6 months and am so lucky to still have my gallbladder...everyone else I know who was on it lost theirs!) And each time I would lose the weight I would gain it all back...either through pregnancy or through eating cheese popcorn.
Honestly...that is not a joke. I felt as long as there was a bag of cheese popcorn in the car I would survive. I was soothing something within me that was just crying out for more and more.
I was deeply in the world of hunger.
Over the past few years I have changed this karma. I think it is no coincidence that I have lost this last 35 pounds while chanting 2 hours a day. I am filling my life with daimoku. I would like to show you a picture I just found. It is of me and my Mom and my aunt. You can clearly see the family karma. I am at least 70 pounds lighter and I look at least ten years younger.
My body no longer cries out for food all the time, and I no longer have asthma. I have chanted for this for years...visualized it. I put together a book of pictures of how I wanted to look. And chanted with a vow and determination...knowing I could change this through my prayer. And it has worked!
I have changed this karma that caused me so much suffering!
If I can do this I can do anything, because, I'll tell you - for many years this was impossible! But that's what this practice is all about...making the impossible possible!!!!
Remember, in this practical form of Buddhism, karma is the result of every cause you've ever made through every existence you have ever lived. That is not the same as saying it is your FAULT. No, it is not your fault. You are not guilty and there is no original sin in this practice. There is karma. How do you know it's karma? You know because you try everything you can think of to change it...you watch what other people do...and still your life does not budge...that is why we need to chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo! Check this out:
I was born into a heavy family. My mother took pills for her weight the whole time I was growing up...and my birthright, my karma, was insatiable hunger. There was a little voice in my head constantly telling me to eat more and more and more. Starting from the first grade I felt different from the other girls. Soon after that the boys began making fun of me for my weight and my fate was sealed. I had to shop in the special section and finding clothes was so hard.
When I was in third grade I got asthma. Scary asthma. And they didn't take you to the hospital in those days. And they didn't have inhalers. One day when I was running and I just stopped breathing...barely made it back to my house. From then on I could never run or walk up stairs or play tennis or do ANYTHING or I'd suffer for hours gasping for breath. That, of course, didn't help with the weight problem.
Throughout my life I dieted every way you can think of...weight watchers...Atkins... optifast (I was on that for 6 months and am so lucky to still have my gallbladder...everyone else I know who was on it lost theirs!) And each time I would lose the weight I would gain it all back...either through pregnancy or through eating cheese popcorn.
Honestly...that is not a joke. I felt as long as there was a bag of cheese popcorn in the car I would survive. I was soothing something within me that was just crying out for more and more.
I was deeply in the world of hunger.
Over the past few years I have changed this karma. I think it is no coincidence that I have lost this last 35 pounds while chanting 2 hours a day. I am filling my life with daimoku. I would like to show you a picture I just found. It is of me and my Mom and my aunt. You can clearly see the family karma. I am at least 70 pounds lighter and I look at least ten years younger.
My body no longer cries out for food all the time, and I no longer have asthma. I have chanted for this for years...visualized it. I put together a book of pictures of how I wanted to look. And chanted with a vow and determination...knowing I could change this through my prayer. And it has worked!
I have changed this karma that caused me so much suffering!
If I can do this I can do anything, because, I'll tell you - for many years this was impossible! But that's what this practice is all about...making the impossible possible!!!!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Weeping and Gratitude
This was a week of weeping for me. I think it was more of the sadness that I am working to transform just seeping out of me. I could barely even identify its source. A friend of mine lost someone they loved dearly...and I think I was feeling his pain...and I think I was just releasing pain as well.
All week long I've been chanting 3 - 4 hours a day. I am determined to have my life reveal the incredible benefit that will absolutely come from my life. I am chanting to change in any way necessary to be able to fill the emptiness inside...to love myself...to have confidence and to find a way of making a great income. I have had tremendous earning power in my life...bring it on world! What is the next adventure for me. I have some ideas....I will let you know.
Meanwhile I have my friend chanting three whole hours for me, and for my son Ben, who is a runner who can't run at the moment. I am chanting for him too. My other son is running free! He won the 1500 meter today in Dubuque Iowa for the University of Illinois Club Team - of which he is the President. He won last week too and we got to see him.
The world is so fresh and green and colorful. Tomorrow I will chant at least two hours in gratitude for this wonderful life!~*
All week long I've been chanting 3 - 4 hours a day. I am determined to have my life reveal the incredible benefit that will absolutely come from my life. I am chanting to change in any way necessary to be able to fill the emptiness inside...to love myself...to have confidence and to find a way of making a great income. I have had tremendous earning power in my life...bring it on world! What is the next adventure for me. I have some ideas....I will let you know.
Meanwhile I have my friend chanting three whole hours for me, and for my son Ben, who is a runner who can't run at the moment. I am chanting for him too. My other son is running free! He won the 1500 meter today in Dubuque Iowa for the University of Illinois Club Team - of which he is the President. He won last week too and we got to see him.
The world is so fresh and green and colorful. Tomorrow I will chant at least two hours in gratitude for this wonderful life!~*
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Good News
Some good news amidst the chanting and crying I've been doing...today I actually found some great clothes that I'll be able to interview in. I think only women can relate to what I'm saying. You see, I've lost a total of about 70 pounds and have almost no clothes! I know, I know...it's a good thing...yet still a challenge...especially now that I'm out there networking for a job. It still shocks me when I try on a jacket that is a size 8 and it fits. Such a joy!
So after many weeks of trying things on at different stores I finally hit pay dirt.
Some of you are nodding your heads going "yes, yes!"
Seems like the right job will be right around the corner....!
So after many weeks of trying things on at different stores I finally hit pay dirt.
Some of you are nodding your heads going "yes, yes!"
Seems like the right job will be right around the corner....!
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