How could I be sad?

So Aaron is going to have a wonderful summer - I just know it. From the moment we made our customary stop at Panera, to when we pulled up in front of his summer apartment I knew this summer was going to be a good one for him.

There is so much life in Champaign...it's like college heaven. I wanted to move in with him...how about it guys? I like your music, I love your twinkly lights...I love staying up all night talking...can I? Can I?

College is such a unique time of life.

Aaron has worked so hard.

This summer I hope he PLAYS!

And, of course he will chant.
We talked about chanting on the way down. He said there's just a certain spark in his life that he gets from chanting. He always knows he's got his best game...and he DOES! His grades are incredible. His running times keep improving - he's down to 3:54 for the 1500. That's the equivalent of a 4:11 mile. And that's ridiculous~~!

Have a blast sweetie...see you this weekend at the state track meet!

What a week it's been...

Such a wonderful week...feeling the effects of chanting so hard. This week I've been focusing on appreciating my life, and basing my life on joy rather than sadness.

We just returned from the 40th reunion of the Community Renewal Chorus and All God's Children. I traveled with this chorus to Romania, Russia and Poland as a teenager and it changed my life.

This weekend I reconnected with many dear souls.

Tomorrow I really need to be strong. I'm bringing Aaron back down to Champaign where he will spend the summer studying for his Med School entrance exams, Oh Mannnnnn. What a rite of passage for a mother. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo!

Amazing...this is post 101!

Thanks for being a part of this blog!

Isn't it exciting to wonder how it's all going to work out?

Will Jamie find a great job?

Will she successfully divorce and find a wonderful man...or two or three...!

How will it all turn out?

This morning I woke up and wrote all the things I am grateful for...pages and pages...
Then I wrote my goals!

Here we come!

An Interesting Time

Well, I have to admit these are challenging times for me. I am doing daily battle with the evil twin inside my head...I am so sad about many things...and struggling to find hope and faith. Thank goodness I have friends in faith.
I talked with Melissa last week when I awoke so low I couldn't chant. I told her about my determination to defeat the sadness in my life and she reminded me that having a strong determination always creates a boomerang effect. I have the determination to defeat the sadness in my life...so immediately I get to experience it so I can change it. Reminds me of the wonderful saying Donna had in her home in Benicia:

When Life knocks you to the ground ~
Roll over and look at the stars.

In my case when life knocks me down I phone a friend.

Now I have a new focus in chanting, although it is still being difficult right now. I won't lie. This practice is hard. But it is times like this - when it is hardest to chant that we are really changing our karma. The hardest thing is overcoming the doubt in my own head!

I am chanting to rid my life of sadness and bring appreciation into it.
I am chanting to live a life of joy and appreciation.
...to strengthen my life!
...to strengthen my faith!
...to strengthen my determination!
...to completely transform my life to JOY!
...to feel President Ikeda's heart
...to open my heart to feeling his daimoku for me
...to find a job that helps me fulfill my mission for world peace, one moment at a time...and I have a long list of things I am looking for in a job.
I just need to keep chanting. This is the hard part. It will change.

Letter from my Mother

Mother's Day.
What an interesting time.

Thought you might be interested in the letters Mom and I wrote to each other this weekend in honor of Mother's Day. And no, Mom wasn't "here" physically, but she was with me ~ right by my side.

I wrote:
Mommy
Oh, adorable, noble, beautiful, warm, soft loving Mommy.
There will always be a hole in my life now.
The Mommy is not here hole.
The Mommy can't hug me hole.
Oh how I wish I had hugged you more.
I how I wish I could turn back time.
I'm all cliches tonight.
As I dread the thought of Mother's Day
without my sweet Mommy.
Maybe if I can focus on the good times ~
Like the day you and I drove out to Saint Charles
to get my favorite soft jacket.
What a beautiful fall day...when I spoke with
Matayman and we laughed all day.
We were so happy ~ we wanted to freeze time.
Oh sweet Mommy.
How I miss you.
How I will always miss you.

And I held the pen gently on the paper and she replied...

Mom Wrote:

Oh come on now J
Buck up
Don't cry your brilliant life away.
Look at you!
Sparkling! Beautiful, with your whole life to look forward to!
I know things are a little weird for you right now.
I know you miss me and Matayman and Danny and Boo.
But you can't stay down J ~ you must rise up!
If anyone can do it you can!
Look at YOU! You did the impossible!
How many other impossible feats can you achieve?
YES! You will find a job~
YES! You will find love~
YES! You will be happy ~ be a leader
J you will thrive.
I'm not worried about you at all!
And I am with you sweetie
I never leave your beautiful side
I never leave your beautiful side

And GREAT Results!!! Victory ROCKS!

GREAT DAY after chanting FIGHTING Daimoku this morning!

I was asked to be a part of a golf outing that will be a blast and a wonderful place to network. Actually I was asked to be a part of two golf outings...terrific places to network and to make new friends!

I found out that the choir I traveled to Romania, Poland and Russia with is having a reunion! I'm going to sing with them and attend all the parties! The director - one of my favorite people in the world ~ is flying in to lead us. It is perfectly timed for me - I have a totally free weekend that weekend! Imagine...as a child...I sang in these incredible countries. The experience changed my life forever...and now, at this crucial juncture in my life...I get to be reacquainted with these loving friends!

I also had the honor of judging the Rotary High School Scholarships and was so inspired by these great kids.

And, I met with a friend in the senior living field I really respect. We had a brainstorming session and came up with some great career ideas.

There's even more...I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight!

This was a great day!

Battling it out!

Here I am...the weather here is beautiful...my friends are wonderful..I have a nice roof over my head as I figure out exactly how the next half of my life is going to unfold...and almost every day I wake up and have a choice. I can stare straight into my karma of feeling unloved, and empty and sad...or I can focus on all the appreciation I can summon in my life.

This morning I am just about to sit down and command my life. I am going to tell the universe, through my chanting to the Gohonzon, that I don't CARE how sad and lonely and unloved I feel. I KNOW that I can change this darkness and root it out from my life. I will never give up. It doesn't matter where it came from...I brought it with me as my mission to change. At the Linda Johnson meeting I kept hearing "change karma to mission" and that's what I will do.

Hear me Buddhist gods!
Entities within the Gohonzon!
Forces that Exist in all of life and in my LIFE!
I will not be defeated!
I will not be sad!
I don't CARE how many times I wake up in tears...I will be happy...I VOW to be victorious in all of my life. With President Ikeda and all the members and all the people I wish to introduce to this practice....I will WIN!