2 Great Keys to Developing Friendships ~ Treasures of the Heart

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From Daisaku Ikeda from Ikedaquotes.org: 

"As the Buddhist teacher Nichiren states: “More valuable than treasures in a storehouse are the treasures of the body, and the treasures of the heart are the most valuable of all.” “Treasures of the storehouse” refer to money and other forms of material wealth. “Treasures of the body” are skills and abilities, as well as physical health. “Treasures of the heart” are the riches that we build within our lives. This indicates the kind of inner strength that cannot be defeated by any tribulation. It refers to the power to live out our lives in a creative way, with constant joy, fulfillment and vitality."
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And how do we live our lives in a creative way, with constant joy, fulfillment and vitality? I think one of the keys is through the rich friendships we make. Having good close friends to be there for us, celebrate with us...share their lives with us and create close community...Aaaahhhh, THIS is true treasure.

But not everyone is skilled at making friends...and there IS a skill to making friends. AND we can use our Buddhist practice to fulfill our desire for new friends...along with actions to take as well. 

As a child, and throughout most of my younger life I had very few friends. I found myself living in San Francisco as a young mother, a fairly new Buddhist, with very few friends. And I knew I could change this, and that something had to change within me. AND I had to gain some friendship making skills. 

How did I chant? 
What did I do? 

I chanted to change the karma of not having friends. I chanted to change whatever needed to be changed within my own core...within my own BEING, that would change my environment and bring loving, lasting friendships into my life. I chanted to BE a friend. 
I did tons of shakubuku. I chanted for my members everyday. AND I consulted my father, the world's best friend maker. 

And what happened? I TOTALLY changed that karma and developed the skills to make new friends. Now I have more than 20 people I consider BEST friends, and the list is always growing. I love them all, and they love me. I love you too, my readers. My capacity to love just grows and grows. 

How has this changed my life? How could making new friends, lasting friends, real friends - gaining the ability to really open your life to others in a way that allows you to blossom like the Buddha you are...how could that change your life?

Well, for me, it got me through the worst, most challenging times when my sweet son got so, so sick. My wonderful Buddhist friends surrounded me and chanted with me. One friend came every morning. And when Ben died, I flung open my doors and called out to my friends and they filled my house from morning till evening - because I wanted them to. They cried with me, reminisced about Ben with me, chanted with me, and sometimes just sat in silence. 

They helped me plan Ben's Life Celebration, and showed up to be there for me. And they gave me a fantastic send-off when I left Chicago and moved to Florida last June. And although I was sad to be leaving my friends in Chicago, I knew I would make great new friends in Florida, and I HAVE!

THIS is a treasure of the heart. THIS is what really matters in life. Something has unfolded in the core of my life...some energy that opens me to be real...to be ME...to be love and forgiveness and alive...and to love and be loved. 

Key # 1

We can start with the sincere prayer to open to loving friendships, and to change our friendship karma. 

Key #2

Using a mirror - look yourself in the eye. Every morning, and say: 

"I am ready to make new friends now! I am ready right now to bring new friends into my life. I have a lot to offer. My new friends are waiting to meet ME! I am ready!" 

Try this one incredible key.  

Have a beautiful day! 

Chanting to transform negative relationships works

Yes, we are all connected.

Suppose we have someone at work we don't get along with...or a family member that is giving us problems. What is the best way to handle this situation as a Buddhist? 

Many of us have proven, time and again, that chanting for that person's happiness changes everything. Chanting for their happiness might not sound like something you want to do, or even feel capable of, but it works every single time, I promise. 

Here are two examples: 

The first time I tried this I hadn't been chanting all that long and I was selling advertising for the Bay Guardian Newspaper. This was before so much of the technology we have now. Ads were placed on the boards by hand, and it was all meticulously done. I sold a lot of advertising. And the person who trafficked my ads in production (I'll call her Katia) was always upset with me for some reason or other. It got to the point that she was really driving me crazy. So I sought guidance from one of my seniors in faith, who said I should chant for Katia's happiness, because my prayer would affect her state of life, and the energy between us would change. 

I'll be honest, I thought it would be really difficult, if not impossible, to truly chant and desire this person's happiness. But the senior in faith told me to "fake it till you make it." In other words, start chanting for Katia's even if I couldn't really put my heart into it. She told me to picture Katia with a big smile on her face, and sooner or later my prayer for her happiness would become sincere. 

This is exactly what happened. Within a very short period of time I found myself earnestly desiring happiness for Katia, and knowing in my heart that my chanting was going to have an effect. 

About a month later, Katia announced that she was getting engaged and moving to Los Angeles. She was happy and so was I!

I realized that through this practice I was actually exercising my muscle of compassion. After that, chanting for anyone I was having problems with came much easier. 

Another example was when I went to work for a larger company here in the Midwest. I could tell, that for no apparent reason, one of the employees really didn't like me, (I'll call her Sharon). She never said anything negative, and I didn't work with her very closely, but I could feel her hair standing on end when she saw me. So I decided to chant for her happiness every day for months. 

Instead of leaving the company like Katia did, Sharon just totally changed her feelings for me and came to love and respect me. She served on several of my committees and spoke very highly of me. She and I put together a Holiday party for the senior staff based on kind words and love. We worked together happily for many years. 

Throughout the years of my practice I have proven over and over that chanting for another person's happiness has a profound effect, and that I can GENERATE compassion by exercising my muscle of faith. 

Is there anyone you have been resenting who you could chant for? 

If you have a positive experience based on this (or any) post please let me know ~ all the readers would like to hear your experiences too. 

We're on Vacation!

Here we are staying on the beach in Santa Cruz California! 


When we lived in San Francisco this was our favorite place to take a day excursion. I always longed to stay the night and wake up here on the beach. And now, with my two sons, we are waking up with this view this morning! (It will look like this in a few hours after the fog has burned off- right now I have a moment to write a blog!)


It has been a magical, music-filled vacation so far. We stayed with our friends Amy and Ian and their son Andrew for the first part of the trip in beautiful San Anselmo in Marin County. There is only one Marin County in the world...land of hot tubs and hybrid cars at the base of Mt. Tamalpais! 


We spent Saturday up on the mountain playing music with our friends. We were there celebrating Julia and Cliff's thirteen years of marriage. This very event was a benefit of Julia's two-year practice of chanting! Ben sang some of his original songs, I sang John Denver songs, everyone played guitar and sang, then we came down the mountain...taking the Bolinas Fairfax road (! what a wild ride !) and Amy and Ian hosted a party for us in their redwood-decked home nestled on the mountain side. At one point in the party almost everyone there joined us for a few minutes of chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo! And Danielle, and Julia and I did Gongyo together for the first time! 


Every morning the boys and I have done a rousing gongyo and chanted daimoku. It is incredible to chant with their low voices! 


On Sunday we headed to Donna, Peppino and Aleza's house in Benicia. We went to a benefit concert for Voena, the world-renowned children's choir out of Benicia. I wish I could go back in time and join this choir. Their costumes were colorful, flowy scarves and they moved freely in a joyous dance of life! They are headed to the London to sing for the Olympics this summer! Then Peppino played and Aleza sang. I wish everyone reading this blog could have been there!


The next morning we all chanted together and will reconnect for another of Peppino and Aleza's concerts in the LA area on Friday. 


There is nothing like friendship, is there? We have been friends with all these people since we lived in California from 1984-1998. And seeing them again it feels like no time has passed - except we don't have babies ~ we have grown children bursting with potential! We have raised young men and women who are poised to make their mark on the world! 


I received an email from a reader today who feels hopeless...she wonders how I made it through the times when I felt hopeless myself. And there were plenty of those times. 


And I say to my reader and to all of you ~  please don't give up. I look at my joyous life now...at my sons who love spending time with me as much as I love spending time with them...we are traipsing though California laughing and joking and loving life! We are free to enjoy every moment as it passes! We are safe, we are happy, we are healthy. And every morning our voices rise in harmony as we fill our lives with the rhythm of the universe and chant Daimoku together. 


And I say...all of our happiness was BORN in those dark times when I did not give up. We've met with several of my Buddhist mentors so far this trip. One of them remembered me crying. A lot. But I kept chanting and didn't give up. I forged a new life through my tears. 


My prayer has always been  ~ I am determined to BE the BUDDHA OF ABSOLUTE HAPPINESS! I am determined to be happy and enjoy my life so that I can be an inspiration to those who are still suffering...and I can inspire them with my own life! I am determined that MY LIFE is an example that ANYONE can be happy! Let me use every moment, every chant, every word out of my mouth to make a cause for my happiness, and the happiness of others. 


This has worked for me! Look at me taking my wonderful boys on their victory lap! They are happy and successful and we are appreciating life together! Don't give up! happiness is yours to claim. 
Claim it THROUGH your tears, not despite them! Claim your happiness NOW!!! You are a Buddha!!!

On a Saturday Night...

I'm sitting here after a full day of having some of my best girlfriends over for a book club party. I tell you this because the fact that I have a circle of girlfriends is living proof of the karma that I have changed. 


I share this with you to give you hope. 


If I can have a close circle of girlfriends who know and love each other....well then...ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE! 


Anything is possible for you. No matter what your challenge is...no matter what you want to make happen...you can do it. 


I chanted for quite some time about this...for many years I felt like the loneliest person on earth. No matter what I did, no matter how I tried...it seemed no one wanted to be friends with me. People these days who know me can't believe such a thing could ever have been possible. These days I have more friends than I can count...more invitations than I can accept...and more fun than I ever could imagine. 


I used to watch Sex and the City and Waiting to Exhale and think "Oh if only I had a circle of girlfriends!"


And did I ever FIGURE OUT why I didn't have friends? No. Not really. All I did was chant to change the karma that kept me from having friends. I knew the responsibility was mine. Not the blame...the responsibility. I chanted to love myself. I chanted to grab hold of that friendless karma and throw if out the door. I chanted to have friends. 


And gradually...I saw changes happening in my life. I became a really social person. I learned how to network for business. I became a lover of meeting new people. I listened to what people told me about building business relationships...things like invite a new friend to go with you to networking events...and some of my business relationships turned into real friendships. 


One day I realized I had several very close friends that I loved...but they didn't know each other, so I started having small get togethers and my friends became friends. And now I have a widening circle and I'm content and happy with my friendships. 
And there is always room for more!


I never figured it out. NO. But I changed it through my daimoku and my actions. And you can change anything you want to change too. It's pretty simple when you think about it. 


First, chant to make the changes in your own life so that your circumstances will change. Chant for the wisdom to know what to do to accomplish your goals. Then take the action to make it happen. You can do it! If I did it so can you. So can you!

Happier every single day

You know, the best thing about this practice is always knowing what to do when you have a problem. It's so simple. Chant. you'll feel better and the circumstances will also change. There is no doubt about it. just keep moving forward and don't give up. So far, there has been nothing in my life that I could not change when I sat and chanted about it...

I created and prospered in great and fun jobs. I served on various boards of directors, I made many income goals...

I gave birth to two great boys. I chanted for them before they were born...I chanted that my prayers would change their karma even before they were born...and that they would have dreams and pursue them...and be strong...and that I would be a good, wise compassionate mother to them...so many other things.

What a joy it has been to be raising them as Buddhists. From their very first years, when they had problems we would chant together, and they learned that there was no problem they could not solve. They solved problems with bullies, they have chanted for tests and grades...they have alleviated bad dreams, they have reached personal goals! How incredibly wonderful it is to have given them this tool. I think continually how I would have chanted to change my problems when I was a sad, sad teenager. I would have loved this practice...I looked for it, and finally I found it at the age of 25. A little too late for high school, but not for the rest of my life!

What else have I chanted about? To have friends. People who know me now cannot imagine me as I used to be...friendless and sad. I sat in front of my altar and cried, I vowed to change in any way necessary to have friends...I chanted for real friends. And here I am now...with so many truly dear friends, all over the world.

I have changed so much...I have lost 70 pounds and am keeping it off. I'd call that a miracle, but because I chant the law of cause and effect, I know it is not a "miracle" because I made the causes to make it happen.

How great it is to live knowing that there is not a problem I can't solve...not a hurt I can't make go away...sure, I am not perfect, and I am still working on some things...but I know I will get there and that makes life so exciting! Nam Myoho Renge Kyo!

Wonderful Day

I ask you, really, what is better than a true friendship? I spent the day today with my wonderful friend Kindred. I began the day chanting for three hours, I've had such a heavy, heavy heart. I am chanting to change the deepest emotional pain in my life, it's not gone yet...I know I can conquer it...I know I'm doing such deep karma changing. It's as if it just has to come out to be banished forever. I come from a line of women with broken hearts...and I have vowed in front of the Gohonzon to change this karma. And, as all of us who practice this Buddhism have observed, some karma is just harder to change than others. But, as Nichiren Daishonin says...no prayer goes unanswered!

Anyway, I had the art fair in Geneva, and a day with Kindred to look forward to. We laughed all day long, and talked and enjoyed the artwork. I found a place that I am going to sell some beautiful coats that no longer fit, along with some jewelry. And we found an interior designer and booked an appointment for both of us to go back so Kindred can sell her beautiful hand-made chandelier. I'm really excited about this! She worked for an entire year creating this chandelier...she even traveled to California to learn how to make the electrical work!

This could be just the breakthrough she needs! Her work is high end...and I think she just found her market. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo!!

Meanwhile my dear friends Julia and Danielle in Northern California are preparing their homes to receive the Gohonzon! They get it! They understand the power of this practice. Rock and Roll! Friendship is just where it's at!!