Last night I dreamed I was watching my Mom cook and hearing the words to "For Baby" by John Denver...and I was crying in my dream. "And the wind will whisper your name to me, little birds will sing along in time...and leaves will bow down when YOU walk by...and morning bells will shine. I'll be there when you're feeling down to kiss away the tears if you cry..I'll share with you all the happiness I've found, a reflection of the love in your eyes" I wake up longing for her often...
The trip:
And this morning I have already chanted an hour of Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and before I knew it I was crying. I cried on and off through the whole hour. This trip seems a metaphor for my whole life now...here I am, heading off alone...into the great unknown. Just like in my life. I have to be resourceful! I have to keep plugged in completely to the power of the universe. I have to enjoy my OWN company and love myself!
I'll have to come up with some innovative ways to take care of myself...like pack in smaller bags once I get there because my suitcase will probably be too heavy. I chanted for all the life force of the universe to well up within my life and protect me...for the flights to be on time...for the car rental people to know I'm coming...and I may just go out and buy a baby computer for the trip. The idea of not being connected whenever I want just leaves me dumbfounded. And I can't buy an iphone until the fall when hopefully Sprint and iphone are compatible. You can be sure I'll be posting! Bon Voyage on this rainy day. Maybe Chicago is sorry to see me leaving!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
California Here I come!
Hello! Tomorrow I leave for California for two weeks! I'll be visiting dear friends all over Northern California! My son will be joining me there and we'll have a blast....in the redwoods, by the ocean...in the mountains! I'll still post when I can!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo everyday!
Yesterday, yet again, and ever since the 22nd of this month I have upped my chanting to THREE hours a day. And I have been doing it...every day. It helps not to be working! (Although I did chant three hours a day in the fall of 2007 when I was working - for 70 days)
What can I tell you?
I feel things moving.
I'd better, you say!
Yesterday I realized, when chanting for my son in college that I had to drive the three hours with a hand delivered care package for him. He'd been sick all week and I knew I had to go. How it worked out is even more magical than that, because my younger son went with me and we had some quality time to talk about some very important events in his life...then he had a chance to talk to his brother as well...maybe that is the real reason I had to go. I was at an hour and a half of chanting and I just felt the tears coming down my cheeks and I jumped up and said I have to go! I was headed down with my younger son within moments.
I'm going to go start my chanting now, and will post more soon.
On the 11th I go to the Bay Area for two weeks! I'll make sure to post from my travels.
What can I tell you?
I feel things moving.
I'd better, you say!
Yesterday I realized, when chanting for my son in college that I had to drive the three hours with a hand delivered care package for him. He'd been sick all week and I knew I had to go. How it worked out is even more magical than that, because my younger son went with me and we had some quality time to talk about some very important events in his life...then he had a chance to talk to his brother as well...maybe that is the real reason I had to go. I was at an hour and a half of chanting and I just felt the tears coming down my cheeks and I jumped up and said I have to go! I was headed down with my younger son within moments.
I'm going to go start my chanting now, and will post more soon.
On the 11th I go to the Bay Area for two weeks! I'll make sure to post from my travels.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Buddhist Bliss!
That's just what I'm experiencing right now! Buddhist bliss...feeling...knowing...believing and seeing that my desires are actually leading me to the deepest happiness I've ever known...because they are leading me to chant hard from the deepest core of my being...as Nichiren Daishonin says "chant as if to make fire from wood, or water from a dry well" THAT kind of chanting!
You should just see me...since 2005 I have lost over 65 pounds...35 of that since October 28th of last year! I fit in the cutest clothes ever!
Think about the changes in my life since I began this blog and started chanting 2 hours a day. At that time I was soooo sad. That's one of the reasons I began the two hours a day...also I was entering into my 25th year of Buddhist practice and aware I wanted to make some huge changes in my life! And that's what I've done...
My husband and I are amicably divorcing and looking at the next phases of our lives now that our Buddha Boys are almost grown. We have fulfilled our parenting mission together. My desire is for us to have the kind of life after divorce that will inspire people...that we'll still work well together for the good of the kids and remain the close friends we've always been. (Can I just say that this is an enormous breakthrough)!!
And now I have something new and exciting and that is an opportunity to recreate myself in the work world. I am no longer employed by the retirement community I worked for over the past 4 years...and the future is so bright for me. I'm not sure exactly where it will lead me...but right now I'm planning a trip to go visit my dear friends in the Bay Area for a few weeks. I have friends all over and it's been a few years since we had good quality time together. Yaaay!
And this morning I chanted for 2 hours with a desire I can't share with you just yet...one I thought I couldn't have...one that would literally make the impossible happen. And here I am, on top of the world.
Remember - there are no bad desires! You desires are yours alone...if you don't get what you are chanting for you will get something better.
You should just see me...since 2005 I have lost over 65 pounds...35 of that since October 28th of last year! I fit in the cutest clothes ever!
Think about the changes in my life since I began this blog and started chanting 2 hours a day. At that time I was soooo sad. That's one of the reasons I began the two hours a day...also I was entering into my 25th year of Buddhist practice and aware I wanted to make some huge changes in my life! And that's what I've done...
My husband and I are amicably divorcing and looking at the next phases of our lives now that our Buddha Boys are almost grown. We have fulfilled our parenting mission together. My desire is for us to have the kind of life after divorce that will inspire people...that we'll still work well together for the good of the kids and remain the close friends we've always been. (Can I just say that this is an enormous breakthrough)!!
And now I have something new and exciting and that is an opportunity to recreate myself in the work world. I am no longer employed by the retirement community I worked for over the past 4 years...and the future is so bright for me. I'm not sure exactly where it will lead me...but right now I'm planning a trip to go visit my dear friends in the Bay Area for a few weeks. I have friends all over and it's been a few years since we had good quality time together. Yaaay!
And this morning I chanted for 2 hours with a desire I can't share with you just yet...one I thought I couldn't have...one that would literally make the impossible happen. And here I am, on top of the world.
Remember - there are no bad desires! You desires are yours alone...if you don't get what you are chanting for you will get something better.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Chanting so hard
I chanted for five hours yesterday because this is such a challenging time for me...and I gave the lecture on the Gosho called "Letters to the Brothers" It is all about how negative forces ruse up to obstruct our practice and discourage us when we are practicing CORRECTLY, and we can either be swayed by them or fired up by them.
Yesterday I chose to be fired up and chanted for five hours.
I chanted for the pain in my life to end. That's it. Done. No more physical pain in my leg...no more emotional pain wrenching at my heart. No more pain. Done finito. Now, I know there might still be some pain, because pain is part of life, but lately I've just been feeling I have more than my fair share! And I'm done with it.
In my chanting I dug so deep and I commanded my life to change.
And you know what? Today was a different day...a suffering that I have been suffering from for so long...was lifted, and hope is shining in my eyes, and I am a different person. A dear friend and I reunited and shared a magical afternoon.
And I can go on...and make it through the next couple months, where I have a job transition...and I'm divorcing my husband...and I am still missing my Mom so very, very much.
I can make it and persevere.
I know, because I have a gohonzon, and I chant to it, that I will come out of this dark time with absolute victory in my life. That is my vow. I vow every day to win in my life...to have victory in my health, my finances, my job, my relationships, my family...every single area of my life...my wonderful District of incredible SGI members...everything.
Yes, I am still struggling...but that's the POINT! I won't give up. Watch me! Come with me!
Yesterday I chose to be fired up and chanted for five hours.
I chanted for the pain in my life to end. That's it. Done. No more physical pain in my leg...no more emotional pain wrenching at my heart. No more pain. Done finito. Now, I know there might still be some pain, because pain is part of life, but lately I've just been feeling I have more than my fair share! And I'm done with it.
In my chanting I dug so deep and I commanded my life to change.
And you know what? Today was a different day...a suffering that I have been suffering from for so long...was lifted, and hope is shining in my eyes, and I am a different person. A dear friend and I reunited and shared a magical afternoon.
And I can go on...and make it through the next couple months, where I have a job transition...and I'm divorcing my husband...and I am still missing my Mom so very, very much.
I can make it and persevere.
I know, because I have a gohonzon, and I chant to it, that I will come out of this dark time with absolute victory in my life. That is my vow. I vow every day to win in my life...to have victory in my health, my finances, my job, my relationships, my family...every single area of my life...my wonderful District of incredible SGI members...everything.
Yes, I am still struggling...but that's the POINT! I won't give up. Watch me! Come with me!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Major Goal Achieved! Breakthroughs!
Well...I'm making it through the storm in a grand way, that's all I can say. Things have taken such a turn for the best! Business is booming, I'm in demand with so many cool things...and I have move ins happening. I've been invited to wonderful parties...things are just hopping. I spent yesterday with my wonderful son in Champaign...watching him run...going out to dinner...talking about the really important things. He went to WDC at the winter break and lived as a homeless person for 2 days and 2 nights...he got to see what an outcast really feels like...and there he is chanting in his fraternity at Illinois...MAN!
What a great day...and my younger son ran his best in a meet on Friday night and we reconnected with all our dear running family friends. I came home last night to a living room full of teenagers - I jsut love having them around!
And this morning I made it to the ILAC (Illinois Area Community Center) where I always chant ROUSING...FIGHTING daimoku with a great group. This morning I led the chanting for the last half hour of the 2 hour chanting session (toso). I always begin the chanting by inviting President Ikeda to join us in our chanting, and I focus on connecting deeply with my inner being and my desires ---I chant to connect soooo strongly, that those who are chanting with me feel a deeper connection than they EVER have! Literally, I was perspiring, and I never perspire! It's amazing when the energy just flows!!!
Then I was treated to a wonderful party...and did some fun shopping...and watched some amazing olympics...great weekend!!!
And I reached my diet goal today! I reached the goal I set for myself...I may decide to still lose some more, but I have reached a landmark in my life and I feel great! Now, to enter the world of eating other things...geez, I hardly even want to try. Maybe I'll live on steak and chicken for the rest of my life! I can't believe the cute clothes I'm wearing.
AND I got rid of a longing that has plagued me for a year. I passed the year mark of an event, and just determined to myself that something would go click in my heart...and my feelings would change...I would no longer feel a longing for something so deeply...something I clearly cannot have at this time.
I feel so peaceful and happy.
This Wednesday is the Women's meeting at my house...a very special meeting. Email if you want to come. I am chanting for everyone who comes to have a major breakthrough in their lives!!! It could be you!
Hugs, Jamie
What a great day...and my younger son ran his best in a meet on Friday night and we reconnected with all our dear running family friends. I came home last night to a living room full of teenagers - I jsut love having them around!
And this morning I made it to the ILAC (Illinois Area Community Center) where I always chant ROUSING...FIGHTING daimoku with a great group. This morning I led the chanting for the last half hour of the 2 hour chanting session (toso). I always begin the chanting by inviting President Ikeda to join us in our chanting, and I focus on connecting deeply with my inner being and my desires ---I chant to connect soooo strongly, that those who are chanting with me feel a deeper connection than they EVER have! Literally, I was perspiring, and I never perspire! It's amazing when the energy just flows!!!
Then I was treated to a wonderful party...and did some fun shopping...and watched some amazing olympics...great weekend!!!
And I reached my diet goal today! I reached the goal I set for myself...I may decide to still lose some more, but I have reached a landmark in my life and I feel great! Now, to enter the world of eating other things...geez, I hardly even want to try. Maybe I'll live on steak and chicken for the rest of my life! I can't believe the cute clothes I'm wearing.
AND I got rid of a longing that has plagued me for a year. I passed the year mark of an event, and just determined to myself that something would go click in my heart...and my feelings would change...I would no longer feel a longing for something so deeply...something I clearly cannot have at this time.
I feel so peaceful and happy.
This Wednesday is the Women's meeting at my house...a very special meeting. Email if you want to come. I am chanting for everyone who comes to have a major breakthrough in their lives!!! It could be you!
Hugs, Jamie
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Battling it out with my own karma
Yesterday as I was lamenting about my current state of limbo and fear of the future and anger I was reminded that ALL people are a mirror of my life...and the darkness I am feeling already existed within my life before another person drew it out.
I just hate hearing that. But know it's true...
So today I am chanting to somehow appreciate the fact that this darkness is coming out of my life so I can change this karma forever and end the rage and fear that settles within me...and to appreciate the person acting as a catalyst so I can release it!
Remember - I can change this karma...these feelings...that's the beauty of this practice!
I just hate hearing that. But know it's true...
So today I am chanting to somehow appreciate the fact that this darkness is coming out of my life so I can change this karma forever and end the rage and fear that settles within me...and to appreciate the person acting as a catalyst so I can release it!
Remember - I can change this karma...these feelings...that's the beauty of this practice!
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