An Interesting Time

Well, I have to admit these are challenging times for me. I am doing daily battle with the evil twin inside my head...I am so sad about many things...and struggling to find hope and faith. Thank goodness I have friends in faith.
I talked with Melissa last week when I awoke so low I couldn't chant. I told her about my determination to defeat the sadness in my life and she reminded me that having a strong determination always creates a boomerang effect. I have the determination to defeat the sadness in my life...so immediately I get to experience it so I can change it. Reminds me of the wonderful saying Donna had in her home in Benicia:

When Life knocks you to the ground ~
Roll over and look at the stars.

In my case when life knocks me down I phone a friend.

Now I have a new focus in chanting, although it is still being difficult right now. I won't lie. This practice is hard. But it is times like this - when it is hardest to chant that we are really changing our karma. The hardest thing is overcoming the doubt in my own head!

I am chanting to rid my life of sadness and bring appreciation into it.
I am chanting to live a life of joy and appreciation.
...to strengthen my life!
...to strengthen my faith!
...to strengthen my determination!
...to completely transform my life to JOY!
...to feel President Ikeda's heart
...to open my heart to feeling his daimoku for me
...to find a job that helps me fulfill my mission for world peace, one moment at a time...and I have a long list of things I am looking for in a job.
I just need to keep chanting. This is the hard part. It will change.

Letter from my Mother

Mother's Day.
What an interesting time.

Thought you might be interested in the letters Mom and I wrote to each other this weekend in honor of Mother's Day. And no, Mom wasn't "here" physically, but she was with me ~ right by my side.

I wrote:
Mommy
Oh, adorable, noble, beautiful, warm, soft loving Mommy.
There will always be a hole in my life now.
The Mommy is not here hole.
The Mommy can't hug me hole.
Oh how I wish I had hugged you more.
I how I wish I could turn back time.
I'm all cliches tonight.
As I dread the thought of Mother's Day
without my sweet Mommy.
Maybe if I can focus on the good times ~
Like the day you and I drove out to Saint Charles
to get my favorite soft jacket.
What a beautiful fall day...when I spoke with
Matayman and we laughed all day.
We were so happy ~ we wanted to freeze time.
Oh sweet Mommy.
How I miss you.
How I will always miss you.

And I held the pen gently on the paper and she replied...

Mom Wrote:

Oh come on now J
Buck up
Don't cry your brilliant life away.
Look at you!
Sparkling! Beautiful, with your whole life to look forward to!
I know things are a little weird for you right now.
I know you miss me and Matayman and Danny and Boo.
But you can't stay down J ~ you must rise up!
If anyone can do it you can!
Look at YOU! You did the impossible!
How many other impossible feats can you achieve?
YES! You will find a job~
YES! You will find love~
YES! You will be happy ~ be a leader
J you will thrive.
I'm not worried about you at all!
And I am with you sweetie
I never leave your beautiful side
I never leave your beautiful side

And GREAT Results!!! Victory ROCKS!

GREAT DAY after chanting FIGHTING Daimoku this morning!

I was asked to be a part of a golf outing that will be a blast and a wonderful place to network. Actually I was asked to be a part of two golf outings...terrific places to network and to make new friends!

I found out that the choir I traveled to Romania, Poland and Russia with is having a reunion! I'm going to sing with them and attend all the parties! The director - one of my favorite people in the world ~ is flying in to lead us. It is perfectly timed for me - I have a totally free weekend that weekend! Imagine...as a child...I sang in these incredible countries. The experience changed my life forever...and now, at this crucial juncture in my life...I get to be reacquainted with these loving friends!

I also had the honor of judging the Rotary High School Scholarships and was so inspired by these great kids.

And, I met with a friend in the senior living field I really respect. We had a brainstorming session and came up with some great career ideas.

There's even more...I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight!

This was a great day!

Battling it out!

Here I am...the weather here is beautiful...my friends are wonderful..I have a nice roof over my head as I figure out exactly how the next half of my life is going to unfold...and almost every day I wake up and have a choice. I can stare straight into my karma of feeling unloved, and empty and sad...or I can focus on all the appreciation I can summon in my life.

This morning I am just about to sit down and command my life. I am going to tell the universe, through my chanting to the Gohonzon, that I don't CARE how sad and lonely and unloved I feel. I KNOW that I can change this darkness and root it out from my life. I will never give up. It doesn't matter where it came from...I brought it with me as my mission to change. At the Linda Johnson meeting I kept hearing "change karma to mission" and that's what I will do.

Hear me Buddhist gods!
Entities within the Gohonzon!
Forces that Exist in all of life and in my LIFE!
I will not be defeated!
I will not be sad!
I don't CARE how many times I wake up in tears...I will be happy...I VOW to be victorious in all of my life. With President Ikeda and all the members and all the people I wish to introduce to this practice....I will WIN!

Daimoku makes you SHINE!

Today I gave a talk on Networking to Veterans in Transition. (Unemployed) I could not sleep a wink all night thinking about this talk. How could I reach their hearts and give them hope and inspire them not to give up on finding work they can do and love...?
I was writing in the wee hours of the morning and woke up and chanted an hour and a half for each of them to have a breakthrough from being at my talk.
I had been invited in by the Department of Employment Security and I wore my new bright yellow suit for the first time and felt GREAT!
They treated me so well, introducing me to the manager of the office. I was so impressed with her heart. These employees of the government sincerely want to help people find jobs. This is not just a job to them...it is a calling.
As you can imagine, the talk went really well.
I began by thanking them for their years of service to this great country, and saying they are what keep it great. Then I offered my best tips on networking. It went great!
You never know where one pro bono talk can lead. And even if it leads no where...it was a very good thing to do!
I came home after that and made networking calls for myself and my strategic job search/creation.
Tomorrow is a talk by Linda Johnson the SGI women's leader!

Quote from Daisaku Ikeda

“People who love

with the most all-consuming fervor

are those

who live life

to the fullest,

regardless

of how long

the physical existence lasts.

To invest

one’s heart and soul

in caring for others,

to burn with passionate love for humanity,

is what Buddhists call

the Boddhisatva Way.”

I believe

this kind of perfect life

constitutes the way

to optimal health

and true longevity.”

Sincere Gratitude and Deep Prayers!

Today there was a big meeting at the culture center in Chicago and a showing of the film "Traveler for Peace". It is about Daisaku Ikeda's first trip to America and Brazil in 1960.

I got to the culture center a few hours early so I could pour some more daimoku into my life...chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Lately I have been chanting in appreciation for my wonderful life...I mean, look at me...having the chance to reinvent my whole life. As challenging as that sounds it is also a profound gift and opportunity! Thank you life! Thank you Buddhahood! I am celebrating!

And I also have friends who are struggling. One close friend is mourning a death, hobbling on a sprained ankle and just had another disease strike him that is very troubling. I am really chanting for him, and hoping he really chants for himself too!

When I went in to the round Gohonzon room the leader of the chanting came up to me and said "Why don't you lead for awhile"? This person didn't know it, but leading the chanting is one of my favorite things to do! I sat right in front of the Gohonzon and chanted in so much appreciation! I chanted for Daisaku Ikeda to come to Chicago and for every member in the room to have a huge breakthrough during the half hour we were chanting together. And I chanted so hard for my friend with the sprained ankle that I was actually sweating in front of the Gohonzon...the energy was running so strongly through me...I was totally one with my prayer! It feels like flying and like digging deep at the same time. Indescribable.

I also chanted for my new friend in Botswana, Kennedy, who started reading this blog and sent me an email. And my new friend Ric I just met today who is an ER physician and so inspiring. I wish all doctors had his vision fro healing!

I chanted for all my members, and for my family and community.

Oh it feels so good to pour my life and my desires into my prayers. This is exactly what I always wanted for my life and the answer to what I searched for for so long: a practice that I could use to focus my incredible energy and have my prayers answered. Thank you so much Daisaku Ikeda and Nichiren Daishonin, and President Makiguchi and Josei Toda! And all the members who taught me how to chant. I am forever indebted!