Recent Article About Ben - "He Lit Up Every Room He Walked Into"

by Scott Viau, from the Downers Grove Patch Newspaper 7/15/15

He Lit Up Every Room He Walked Into

“Ben Silver didn’t take his own life,” said Jamie Lee Silver, Ben’s mom. “Mental illness took his life.”

Ben will be remembered for a lot of things. His kindness, compassion, generosity, sense of humor and athletic ability, just to name a few.

More than 700 people came out to Ben’s life celebration this past weekend, where his mother encouraged people to get up and share their stories of him.

“Over and over and over people shared how kind he was and how much he cared,” Silver said. “One young man came up and said he was bullied a lot and Ben always intervened.”

Another person told a story about how he wasn’t a very fast runner. Ben slowed down for him, put his hand out and said, “You can do it. Come on. Come on.” The young man ran faster as a result of Ben’s encouragement.

One of the incoming freshman at Downers Grove North High School when Ben was a senior said he expected Ben not to be very nice and perhaps even full of himself because of his athletic ability.

“But it was just the opposite,” Silver said. “He went out of his way to welcome them to the team. He went out of his way to let them know he was happy they joined this fellowship.”

Ben was a part of the Downers Grove North Cross Country and Track Team, which Jamie likened to being more like a family.

Throughout his athletic career, Ben often received ankle injuries, but he didn’t let that keep him down.

“He would put on a life jacket and go in the pool and run in place in the pool to keep his heart rate up,” Silver said.

According to Silver, a volunteer coach at Downers Grove North who had coached seven Olympic athletes said that none of them had the fire and drive that Ben did.

Ben had received a full-ride college scholarship to University of Miami in Ohio. It wasn’t because he needed it, though. It was because he wanted something to show for all of his hard work.

“He really wanted to earn a college scholarship,” Silver said. “But once he got to college he was injured and wasn’t able to run with the team.”

During his sophomore year in college, it became too much for him to take. His ankle wasn’t getting better and he was struggling with schizophrenia. He eventually lost his scholarship.

About two years ago Ben’s struggle with mental illness began. At the time of his death July 2 at the Naperville Ribfest, Ben was an in-patient resident at Linden Oaks. He was 22 when he died. 

But despite the efforts to get Ben help, the mental health system failed him.

“I would go so far to say there is no mental health system in this state whatsoever,” Silver said. “There was no clear path for him to follow to get better.”

Ben had made a previous attempt to end his life and instead of receiving help, he encountered more road blocks.

“No one would take him because they said if he went there and took his life, the state would shut them down,” Silver said. “So if everybody thinks the state is going to shut them down if somebody commits suicide there that means that somebody who has had a suicide attempt has virtually no place to go.”

To combat his illness, Ben went to group therapy, individual therapy and for the most part followed the protocol of what his mental health care providers wanted him to do, but the medicines never really solved the problem.

“Part of the problem with schizophrenia is that even if the medicines do help, they often have so many side effects that people don’t want to stay on them,” Silver said.

During the last few years of Ben’s life, he found it hard to keep up with relationships because of how his illness affected him.

“It made him feel so separate and there were times where he felt like he couldn’t trust anyone,” Silver said. “It’s a symptom of the disease.”

But mental illness isn’t what his mom, family and friends will remember him for. That won’t be the legacy he leaves behind. She’ll remember him for his warmth, love, friendship and smile.

“He lit up every room he walked into,” Silver said.

She’ll also remember him for his sense of humor and impeccable comedic timing.

“I don’t mean he was the class clown, that wasn’t Ben,” Silver said. “But what he was was humorous and warm.”

And he cared. He wanted people to be happy.

“He didn’t take his relationships lightly,” Silver said. “He really wanted to make a difference in peoples’ lives.”

If his life celebration is used to judge that, he certainly did. Silver said people talked about Ben and what they knew, loved and liked about him for close to three hours.

“So many people wanted to come up and talk about the difference he made in their lives,” Silver said. “It was really, really profoundly beautiful.”

Ben was a lifelong Buddhist. He was born into the practice. Silver said chanting with him was like running a race.

“He’d get so much energy and he’d chant so fast,” Silver said. “He did everything with intensity.”

Music also came naturally to Ben and he used the same determination and fire to write music as he did for athletics.

One of the songs Ben wrote was called “The Girl with Zero Flaws,” which he performed as a senior during the Downers Grove North talent show.

“He brought down the house and you can hear it at the end of the song,” Silver said.

At the end of the day, people really loved Ben. They loved him as a human being. Teachers came to his life celebration. Neighbors came crying.

“He touched so many people’s lives. Nobody could even believe that this could have happened,” Silver said. “But schizophrenia is a deadly, deadly illness.”

To remember and honor Ben, the family plans on hosting a run called Ben’s Memorial Mile, which will take place every summer and they plan to start the Ben Silver Memorial Fund to research mental illness and to find a way to have more effective mental illness care.

Surviving Ben is his mother Jamie, his father Paul and his brother Aaron.