We all have huge problems from time to time...problems that are so all-encompassing that we seem to recede a little from the world, and it feels as if we have lost our friends and family because this problem has laid us SO low.
We all know that Daimoku (Nam-myoho-renge-kyo)is bigger and more powerful than any problem, but sometimes, even when we are striving our hardest, getting guidance, studying, chanting, going to meetings, our problem still weighs so heavily on our hearts.
Many of us have experienced deep loss, grief, sadness, that seems bigger than we are.
Well, I have been going through one of these. I've been fighting hard, and my only victory has been to NOT GIVE UP THE FIGHT. Even though I am taking every action I can think of for kosen rufu...every morning I've awakened into the problem and it has weighed on me all day.
Well, yesterday, after reading the guidance I posted on this blog. I talked myself into setting new goals for myself. I decided I would take better care of myself. I decided to be better to myself. I got a massage. I took action to change some habits, and wrote a bunch of new goals before I chanted...among them was the goal to somehow regain my happiness. As my friend Kathy says:
"Gohonzon some-kind-of-way this has to happen."
And last night in the support group I go to for people who are also dealing with similar problems, they miraculously picked MY PROBLEM to workshop. We spent an hour as a group breaking it into parts, and hearing other's experiences and brainstorming solutions... and somehow I just came to terms with it. I came to a new understanding that, for now, I can't FIX it. I can only choose to stop suffering. I can LET IT GO. Just LET IT GO for now. And choose not to suffer.
I will still chant to fix it with all my heart. But I am not going to suffer over it anymore!
Thank you life! Thank you Gohonzon-my life itself! Today I am a new woman. And the sun is shining here in Chicago. Spring HAS TO be on its way.
I am wishing YOU breakthroughs in happiness, breakthroughs in happiness.
And I offer you, from this Month's Gosho The Pure and Far Reaching Voice:
"...voices infused with the prayer of the Mystic Law have the power to awaken the Buddha nature of those with whom we speak. Even though the effect might not be immediately apparent, please be assured that your voice will deeply permeate others' lives"
Daisaku Ikeda, Living Buddhism, March 2014 p. 27
Thank you...will try doing similarly although I've tried keeping faith but couldn't sustain each time. I have to regain my health, my stamina, thats my priority. I jst do not know what's going wrong everytime.
ReplyDeleteThe chant failed me thrice. I kept chanting for a man I loved for years and when I asked if he would like to give us a chance, I disclosed that he had arranged marriage a month ago. I didnt know what I was chanting for 5 hours everyday when he was just not meant to be. Nevertheless, I moved on and met someone else. But apparently this guy couldnt get over his ex and left me for her, only to come back after a year. For last three months, I was chanting to get into a company and got through the assessments and interviews but they didnt hire me only bcoz I didnt pursue my graduation full time (due to lack of funds I had to pursue graduation part time so I could work and fund my studies). I feel so lost at the moment. I have been chanting with all the faith and dedication... for nothing.
ReplyDelete