You know, even Buddhas have emotions. Buddhas are human beings awakened to the eternity of life, but they are HUMANS as well.
This is an interesting time for me. I know it's not quite fall yet. The leaves aren't turning, but there is a certain slant to the sun, and today we drive Ben back to college. So it really feels like fall. Fall always reminds me of all the other falls I've ever had....all the times I would bring my boys to their first day of grade school and take pictures of them with their friends and their new teachers and cry all the way home at the sweetness of my life and the inevitable passage of time. If only they could stay in grade school for the rest of their lives, always saying "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!"
I was always such a happy Mom. I wasn't one of those Moms who are constantly on the phone or somewhere else, even when they are with their kids. Oh no. I savored every moment. I tried to memorize the precious time we had together. When we went to the park I would chase them and we would laugh and laugh and laugh. Ahhh those precious moments with those laughing little faces!
So here I am, much older. My body is experiencing changes and I find myself sad some of the time. I'm missing someone I loved and who isn't in my life anymore, (I can relate to all of you who write me about this subject) I'm missing my Mom and going through a a time of poignancy and self-reflection.
Yesterday I decided that I wasn't going to resist these feelings any more. I am not going to get mad at myself for feeling sad, like somehow I should be above sadness. How can I be above sadness? I am still a human! So I am re-embracing the Gosho quote I adored from my earliest days of practice:
"Suffer what there is to suffer and enjoy what there is to enjoy...and continue chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo no matter what happens." From Happiness in this Life by Nichiren Daishonin
And when I am sad and feel like crying, as long as I'm not at work (which is going very well), I might just let myself cry, and not feel like I'm somehow defeated. Tears can be sweet. They can be a release. I may as well enjoy them. As Daisaku Ikeda says, and I have to paraphrase (because I have to get going to drive Ben back and forth to Miami of Ohio in Oxford Ohio today with Paul)
"There is no darkness that has ever come to stay...there is no wind that keeps blowing forever".
So I am in a blowing wind. And it will pass. And I continue to chant and to introduce others and feel immense joy when they have benefits. Someone I introduced a while ago just chanted for the first time with her partner and step daughter yesterday...all the seeds of my heartfelt efforts are springing up all over the planet. Great joy awaits me. And in this moment...I can just be.
Sending you love and light and Nam Myoho Renge Kyo
This is an interesting time for me. I know it's not quite fall yet. The leaves aren't turning, but there is a certain slant to the sun, and today we drive Ben back to college. So it really feels like fall. Fall always reminds me of all the other falls I've ever had....all the times I would bring my boys to their first day of grade school and take pictures of them with their friends and their new teachers and cry all the way home at the sweetness of my life and the inevitable passage of time. If only they could stay in grade school for the rest of their lives, always saying "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!"
I was always such a happy Mom. I wasn't one of those Moms who are constantly on the phone or somewhere else, even when they are with their kids. Oh no. I savored every moment. I tried to memorize the precious time we had together. When we went to the park I would chase them and we would laugh and laugh and laugh. Ahhh those precious moments with those laughing little faces!
So here I am, much older. My body is experiencing changes and I find myself sad some of the time. I'm missing someone I loved and who isn't in my life anymore, (I can relate to all of you who write me about this subject) I'm missing my Mom and going through a a time of poignancy and self-reflection.
Yesterday I decided that I wasn't going to resist these feelings any more. I am not going to get mad at myself for feeling sad, like somehow I should be above sadness. How can I be above sadness? I am still a human! So I am re-embracing the Gosho quote I adored from my earliest days of practice:
"Suffer what there is to suffer and enjoy what there is to enjoy...and continue chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo no matter what happens." From Happiness in this Life by Nichiren Daishonin
And when I am sad and feel like crying, as long as I'm not at work (which is going very well), I might just let myself cry, and not feel like I'm somehow defeated. Tears can be sweet. They can be a release. I may as well enjoy them. As Daisaku Ikeda says, and I have to paraphrase (because I have to get going to drive Ben back and forth to Miami of Ohio in Oxford Ohio today with Paul)
"There is no darkness that has ever come to stay...there is no wind that keeps blowing forever".
So I am in a blowing wind. And it will pass. And I continue to chant and to introduce others and feel immense joy when they have benefits. Someone I introduced a while ago just chanted for the first time with her partner and step daughter yesterday...all the seeds of my heartfelt efforts are springing up all over the planet. Great joy awaits me. And in this moment...I can just be.
Sending you love and light and Nam Myoho Renge Kyo
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